Two things I would like to discuss with you.

**Disclosure: I am pouring out a very sensitive part of my life, and I ask that you please be gentle with me. This is not easy for me to discuss, but I know that I need to get it out. Right now.**

As most of my readers know, the DH is officially home from deployment. To say the least, it's certainly been a roller coaster of emotions. All part of the game, I'm told. But that's stuff to be discussed with my therapist so, moving on...

My emotions aren't the only thing riding this Coaster o' mood swings. My weight is also tagging along. So far, I've gained 10 lbs, and as of yesterday, I've lost 4 of those pounds. I thought I was doing very well, considering our eating habits. The "honeymoon" phase is waning, however, I discovered yesterday that it's pretty much the only one on that ride.

Jason and I are doing chores, and I'm helping put away dishes. Everything is all hunky-dory until I squatted down to put the Crock Pot back. Then, I hear it. Snap. I knew immediately what happened, and my blood began to boil. I started speaking "Infantry." "My $@*!# button just #$%@!* #@*&!% snapped," I exclaimed, trying to hold in my rage. If I had been on TV, they would have just laid on that "beep" until the end of scene. I felt like I was a beached whale.

The official lowest point OF MY LIFE.

As much as the possibility exists that this was a cheap pair of jeans with an even cheaper button, I still couldn't help but retain a sense of failure. I was, at that point, out for blood. I wanted to "kill" every piece of food I had eaten, along with all the food that was waiting to be eaten. Food that I knew didn't belong in that kitchen, but thought to myself, He and I are working out together. It'll work itself off. Yea, right. The 1st part is right. So I did what anyone (I hope?) would do in my shoes: I gathered every piece of food out of the cabinets, fridge and freezer, and cast them to the pits of my trash can. The thrifty part of me, of course, was screaming, "Do you realize what you've DONE??" Yup. But I can't go on lying like this. The food didn't belong there, and I knew it. So, good riddance, tempter of weight gain.

I felt absolutely horrible, and I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I genuinely felt sad. I laid on the bed and sobbed. It was the first time in a long time that I cried like that. And like the amazing husband he is, DH laid down with me, and comforted me, reassuring me that it would be alright, and that we would fix this. Even right now thinking about how sincere he was brings tears to my eyes. I have a truly incredible husband. I'm one lucky girl.

After the pain subsided a bit, we started hashing out a plan. Working out details for both the Gym and our diet. (He has gained a few pounds as well.) He is determined to get me back on the routine I had with M. Honestly, I wish they hadn't cut out her resource for being able to work out with me. I could certainly use her by my side right now. Anyway, I told him that I needed the motivation that she gave me to be at that Gym every day. So here we go once again, I'm starting over, again.

The only good thing is my endurance never faded. In fact, my running has improved tremendously. Though I'm still at a "Shuffle" pace, I recently jogged an entire 5k with only a couple few-second walks. I've been signing up for virtual races, and have 3 to accomplish this month. I'm sure I'll be posting my medals on facebook (facebook.com/pleasepassthesarcasm), Twitter (@nikidirocco), and Instagram (armyinfantrywife81). I'm more on the latter 2 than facebook. Facebook is getting on my nerves.

With that being said, there's my experience that rocked my world. Slapped me in the face with reality. My wake-up call. You get the picture. I feel much better getting this off my chest. Maybe now I can focus on other things.

Now on to my 2nd piece of news:

I'm going to be changing a few things about this blog. I've decided that I don't have enough to discuss since finishing the 24 day challenge. I would like to continue blogging, so I'm adding more topics to discuss. I'll be chronicling my experience going from a single girl in a big city, to a housewife in the "suburbs" of an Army Installation. I'm calling it, "From Carrie to Cleaver". Catchy, eh? If I can't Change the name of this blog I will, of course, start over with a new blog. Stay tuned for further details on that. I hope my readers stay on with me, but I would like to bring in more readers who can relate to my experience. I hope to make someone else feel like they're not the only one going through this, just like my current blog.

Anyway, I'm done for the day. My housecleaning is calling me. Until next time, "You stay classy, PLANET EARTH." (Anchorman, all rights reserved.)

My first 5k! (5 OCT 2013)

Hey guys,

I'm happy to announce that I have completed one more thing on my "Deployment To-Do List." This past Saturday, I did the ColorVibe 5k. Very proud of myself, and it has set the stage for other 5k's. Watch the vLog below!

http://youtu.be/HcORsyHUtNM

The truth is...

I wish I could say that things are back on track, and I'm hitting the gym like I should. 

But I'm not a liar.

Things are getting more and more crazy by the day. It's getting so close to the return of the DH, so classes, meetings, and events are sprouting up all around me. I know, that's no excuse to spend some time on myself. And I've got no excuses. All my motivation to go to the gym has simply flown out the window. I need my motivation back. I need M back. I never realized just how much she kept me going with it. 

On a better note, I'm STILL keeping the weight off and maintained, with a slow progression downward. Maybe it's the stress, maybe my metabolism is finally kicking in. I don't know.

But I'm not complaining. ;)

I've also started a new nightly ritual. I've started making a cup of hot tea, having a few Andes mints, and I sit on my bed either reading, or watching funny videos, and unwinding. My sleep has gotten 100% better. 

So while things in the gym aren't going as I'd hoped, other areas of my life are finally coming together. Pretty soon, I hope, everything will be in sync. It's a good thing patience is becoming easier for me. Sheesh.

9 Sept 2013 Vlog

http://youtu.be/lHrY4IHejFg

It's For the Best

So it looks like my days of working out with M are coming to a close. Thanks to severe budget cuts, the daycare facility at the gym will be closing down. That leaves M no choice but to take the children to an on post daycare, which isn't close to the gym. So, she would need to book at least 2 hours so she would have time to get at least 1 hour of a good workout. Then she would have to rush back because if she goes over that 2 hours by as little as 1 minute, she gets charged another 30 minutes. I know that doesn't seem like much, but when you've been given 16 hours (free) childcare a month, you want to ration it out as carefully as possible.

I guess this is for the best, though. I won't be here much longer anyway, and we'd both eventually have to learn to keep each other motivated from afar. Also, our usual workout time has become more of an inconvenience, since everything else in my life wants to be scheduled in that time slot too. Things that, unfortunately, rank a little higher on the priority scale. As much as I hate to say it, this will work out better in the end.

But it's certainly not the end of M and I. We have decided that we will turn this separation of teamwork into friendly competition. Adopting a conversion chart our husbands' Brigade is using for a walking competition (Walk to Afghanistan and Back), we will turn the tables on each other, seeing who can log the most miles per week. This is a win, win, WIN. Win#1, we can log the most miles in our Company. Win #2, we keep each other motivated by trying to beat the other, and Win #3, it's a friendly, HEALTHY competition. The conversion chart charts everything, every kind of workout you can do into "miles." So while M usually logs more actual walking miles since she has a toddler and a pedometer, I will have the chance to log more calisthenic miles with my gym time. WINNING.

I have also decided to end my personal training sessions. My stress level has become a liability to her, and with everything in my personal life picking up pace, my stress level will not be going back down any time soon. I don't want to waste her time, time she could be using to help out someone possibly in more need of it. I don't want to hinder anyone else from having the results I've already achieved. Again, (this is the phrase of the day, I guess) it's for the best.

I'm still not using most of the Advocare products. It's definitely noticeable to me. My energy level has dipped. I think I will start using the Spark in the afternoons again. If that doesn't help, I will work in the MNS packs again. I'm definitely going to get the Thermogenics back in. The only thing I haven't stopped is taking the carb-ease when I'm going to have a "carb-ful" meal. And it certainly does help. I'm still eating better, and even without working out, I'm happy to report....

I lost another pound this morning. *applause here*

I'm down below my "Mexia" weight by 2 lbs now, on my way to my "Groesbeck" weight. I said in another post that my goals are set to places, and times in my life. My "Austin" weight was when I lived in Austin and worked for Progressive. My "Mexia" weight was when I was a police officer. My "Groesbeck" weight was when I was a prison guard. I haven't thought of another weight between "Groesbeck" and my goal. I'm sure I'll think of a funny name for it, since there is 30 lbs difference between the two. Seeing that number on the scale this morning completely threw me for a loop. I literally cannot remember seeing that number. Even when it went on the rise to "Mexia." At any rate, I'm stoked. My drive has been re-ignited.

It's getting very close to the DH's return. All these emotions are running wild when I think of it. Even though I'm no where near my goal, I'm definitely at peace with my progress, and am sure DH will be too. As long as I keep up with my current momentum. He's not seen my full body since April. I'm excited about that.

Well, I must start my day. Lots to do, lots to see. Until next time.

30 Aug Vlog - Stressed to the max. Please forgive me.

This is probably going to be my last Vlog for a while. Going to go back to just blogging for a bit. Hope you enjoy. :)

Niki

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-OqnPdbCQo

I'M HERE! I haven't abandoned you... :)

Here's my latest Vlog. Hope you guys enjoy!

Newest Vlog

No internet? I Feel like I've gone back in time...

First of all, I know I said I blog more while I'm here...

But, seriously.

Im pretty sure by coming here, I changed more than time zones. I feel like I'm in another era altogether. My cell service is spotty at best, I have no internet, and have found no Wi-Fi spots.  My life, as I know it, is at a standstill, waiting for my vacation to end.

But, I'm up at 0330, thinking about all the decisions I've made while I've been here. they haven't been the greatest. In fact, I've had to use my carb-ease a lot. I haven't had the best support system here either. Im being faced with temptation every day. And I'm human. Im still jogging, but I feel it's just staving off a few more pounds from being added to the scale. emotionally, I feel like a total failure in every sense of the word. I'd gone from being a model to some, to needing a model again. It's pretty much been a train wreck.  Now, don't get me wrong, I haven't made all bad choices, but the choices I have made haven't been the best. And I'm definitely paying for it right now.

As far as physically, I'm starting to feel some of the same problems I was having before are starting to return. Fatigue, depression, lack of motivation. I suppose they should mainly be associated with the emotional side, but I'm feeling the depression physically. I haven't, thank God,  notice too much of a change on the scale. Nor have I noticed a change with the tape measure, another blessing.

while I have enjoyed visiting my family and friends very much, I can't help but feel that maybe this was a mistake. I don't think I was ready to be faced with all this temptation yet, especially with all the stress I'm under. I feel it was a bad time to leave. So, now I have to overcome one more set of obstacles:

Forgiving myself, and resetting.

Vlog from the road. :)

Early Morning Vlog - Hydration and other things...

Going to throw in a little Vlog!

Sorry it's so long. Guess I had more to say than I thought! Enjoy!

Day 23 & 24 - Finito!

So day 23 was a pretty busy one. Got A LOT done. When I got home, thanks to the supplements and Spark, I still had enough motivation and energy to hit the gym. For those of you who don't know, before this challenge, a simple trip to Savannah would wear me out. No matter what I was doing over there. That day, I walked and walked, shopped, then went to Sam's Club, and walked some more. I'm telling you. My energy level is higher than it ever has been.

Anyway, gym time. I did my first 5k training on the treadmill. I did it in just over 50 min. Pretty good considering I haven't run in a while. I plan to work my time down considerable before my first official 5k, coming up in October. But even with this time I was pretty jazzed afterwards. And I slept like a baby.

Yesterday was Day 24! The final results are in: 8.2 lbs lost, and a 4.5 inch lost overall! I wish I could post pics of the results. But all of this is a surprise for the DH when he gets home. But the final results will be posted after his returned, so stayed tuned. Anyway, I was so stoked, I joined Advocare and now sell it. Sure, I get a pretty sweet discount, but I'm also a good example of the fact that this challenge works! These products work! I worked out for 3 solid months. 1-2 hours a day, and could only lose 2 lbs. TWO POUNDS IN 3 MONTHS! I was very frustrated, to say the least. Not to mention my energy level was not really there, meaning my metabolism just wouldn't kick in.  I would workout, then come home and sleep. Ridiculous. I wasn't eating enough calories, so I would justify eating Taco Bell or Pizza Hut by my working out, and needing to make up for the calories lost working out.

So yes, part of the change came from eating better. But I'm the kind of person that needs a regiment; a strict guideline that tells me, Hey, if you don't eat the right way, this won't work. And admittedly, the challenge kit is not cheap. Which was even more incentive to follow through with it. So if you're someone who constantly picks something up then quits shortly thereafter, this is probably not a good investment. Unless you just like wasting money. This challenge is for people who truly want to completely reshape their lives, and lose a few pounds in the process. Because that's exactly what this does. So if you are looking for that, I suggest you find an Advocare distributor ASAP. Worth it, totally. I shit you not. :)

My workout yesterday was amazing. I worked on arms pushing, and my shoulders are definitely feeling it today, as well as my abs (from the assisted pull-ups we've been working on). I could only do 20 minutes on the treadmill since they were about to close it to do their morning cleaning. So I pushed myself to get as much in as I could. My legs are definitely hating me this morning, but I'm doing it again today, so get over it, legs.

 M and I are also thinking about doing the Squat challenge again. At least the middle portion of it. 50 squats are too few, but 260 is a killer. We'll see. I'm too OCD to just do a portion, so I will probably do it all over again. I'm also going to work on my form for crunches and do that challenge. My back always ends up hurting after a few crunches. So thanks to YouTube, I can have a personal trainer without the $$. Seriously, inventor of YouTube, you are awesome.  Except for the Ads.

For Real.

Today is now just a regular day. I still plan to blog, so people who are reading this for tips and ideas can keep getting it. Plus, blogging helps me get all my bragging out. Because I'm really proud of how far I have come. And I want to tell the world! 

So world, here I am! Check me out.

Day 22 - Lets talk about the Max phase.

So my time on the challenge is slowly coming to a close. I believe that this is one of the best experiences I've ever had as far as a "diet" is concerned. With the exception, of course, of the fiber drink, and the difficulty of eating enough calories, I have thoroughly enjoyed this whole experience. 

But I'll have to say that the supplements that I have been taking on the Max phase have had the most positive affect on me. I never thought that I would be so motivated, or have so much energy without a crash. I have taken other doctor prescribed supplements in the past, and while they did have similar effects as far as energy is concerned, by the afternoon I was ready to pass out. Kudos to Advocare for making such an effective concoction for sure.

I'm also very fond of the spark energy drinks. In fact, I have ordered a canister, and plan to replace my coffee every morning with it. The effects last much longer than coffee, and it's actually nutritionally better for you. I have tried both the fruit punch and Cherry. Cherry wasn't desirable at all to me, but the fruit punch was really good. Tomorrow we try pink lemonade, and if I like it, I will most likely be getting some for the DH. He is already aware that there will be some changes when he gets home, and does not oppose to becoming a more healthy couple.

In fact, that is one of my main goals. I want to be someone who works out alongside their husband, rather than just watch him keep his body fit. M and I actually want to be able to outdo our husbands workout, as far-fetched as that may seem. We find it very motivating to have such high standards set in place for both of us. I don't think either of us would have made as far as we have without the constant motivation of each other. We both have come a long way from where we started, and it's only because we pushed ourselves and each other past our comfort level. I knew i had met my match when M asks, "Do you want me to kill you?", then proceeds to show me the "machine-o-death." I wanted to die, but no matter how much it hurt, we didn't stop until we were done. That's how it should be. 

You can't really expect good results if you're stopping when the pain starts. Now I'm not saying don't listen to your body, but, pain is going to happen. It doesn't mean that your body can't go past that point. The statement "no pain, no gain" is more than just that. If you're not pushing your limits, you're not succeeding. It's not easy. If it were easy, it would just be "the way."

And on that note, I'm going to lead by example. I'm going to get some good rest tonight, then I'm going to KILL IT at the gym tomorrow. Hopefully, I won't die. If I do, well, at least I went out doing SOMETHING in the way of a positive change.. 

Won't you be my neighbor?

Check this out:

Just a little intimidating knowing I have an audience that spans the globe! ;-)

Day 19-21 - Finding out why you don't slack off on your workout.

On Thursday, M and I got back to our routine, kicking things off with our own boot camp regime. While some of it was easier, we were both left out of breath, and we agreed just 1 round would be enough. After all, it was already 1030, and felt swelteringly humid outside. We finished up with a brisk mile walk, and called it a day. The next day we would do Zumba, and that would be a nice addition to the calories burned that day. Yesterday morning, I woke up ready to dance some pounds away. But my legs felt otherwise. I felt like an old lady trying to sit down in the restroom. My legs and abs ached like I had never worked out, then enlisted in basic training the next day. All day I was in pain. And Today was no different. I have limped through my day feeling like someone took a bat to my legs. To make matters worse, it's "that time", so my back is cramping too. I'm a huge ball of pain right now. And craving carbs like no ones business. 

I've been reading some "success" posts about the 24 day challenge, and reading how people finished with only a "couple cheats." And the fat girl in me thinks, "see, it's normal to give into those cravings. Just pull into that Taco Bell." But, I refuse to join the masses. My 24th day is fast approaching, I'm so close to finishing I can taste it. I want to finish it and be able to say that I did it without fail. 

Ok, I'm hurting pretty badly right now, so I'm going to wrap this up so I can get some rest. I'm gaining weight again. I'm not freaking out only because I know it has to do with my cycle. So I just want everyone doing the challenge to know that weight fluctuation is going to happen. Especially for women, especially around this time. I know most of you know that, and I have all along as well, but I know how much better I feel knowing someone else is going/has gone through the same trials. It's not all roses, but we can get through it. Just stick with the meal planning and water water water! 

Day 22, I'm on my way. Please be kinder than today has been...

Day 17 &18 - Even Leo is starting to eat clean!

Leo has grown an affinity for apples. He sits patiently beside me while I cube them into bite size pieces. I look down at him, and can see his body tense, waiting to run after the piece I carefully choose to toss. Miranda, on the other hand, bolts into the kitchen anytime I open a can, whether with the can opener or the peel-off top. Regardless of what I may be opening, she automatically assumes it's tuna. It's at that moment she becomes the sweetest cat ever, even tolerating Leo within 5 feet of her. She intertwines herself in my legs, letting me know that, "If you don't want something, remember I'm right here. Just don't forget. I'm right here. right meow." Once she's cleaned out the crevices in the can where my utensils wouldn't reach, she quietly sits on the couch, rests a bit, then turns back into the neurotic bitch I know and love. It's really a magic moment.

So the past couple days I've been under the weather. I thought it was just allergies, as I said before, but I took a small turn for the worse, and ended up seeing a doctor. It was not strep, perhaps just a virus. I'm okay, and was sent on my way with 800mg Motrin and some mouthwash with Lidocaine. I've yet to use the mouthwash. I did use the Motrin yesterday afternoon. Wow. A little background on me: I'm a little over 1/4 Native American, and carry a lot of their traits. Including the inability to tolerate copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. I'm what the white man calls a, "cheap date." Motrin knocked me out into a coma-like sleep, but not before making me just short of paralyzed. I become extremely lethargic, and am soon asleep for an unknown amount of time. A while later, I wake up just enough to be in an "awake REM" state. If you've never had that happen, honestly, it's more of a trip than being on acid. From what I've heard, of course. I dreamed I jumped off a high-rise building. The intense feeling of falling was so real. As I was getting closer to the bottom, it's as if the air caught me, and lowered me safely to the ground. Whoa. I won't be doing that again today.

So today is day 18, and I'm only thinking of the future, and what I'll do after this challenge is over. I've decided that as much as I would love to, I don't think I'll have a cheat day the day after. Honestly, I want to keep going as if nothing has changed. The lady who sold me this challenge was right. My body is so used to eating healthy that, while my mind craves junk, my body craves nutrients. And whole foods. Besides, I've got a small weekend getaway planned, that will have at least one day of yummy delish junk.  Thank God we'll be doing a lot of walking the next day.

I'm still bummed that I haven't really worked out since starting this. This week was supposed to be my week back into it. However, I have a feeling the main reason I got sick was due to my lack of working out and building up my immune system. Maybe it's the wake-up call I needed.

Anyway, I'm going to attempt to salvage the rest of this day with something constructive. Fingers crossed I don't accidentally trip and fall onto the couch, bouncing the PS3 controller into my hand. Hate it when that happens...

Day 15 & 16 - Turning hard-headiness to work in your favor.

I woke up this morning after a night of WEIRD dreams to find that my tonsils are swollen. While I don't really get sick, I do wake up with swollen tonsils or allergies sometimes. It's funny, when I was a smoker, I had chronic bronchitis. I've been smoke-free for going on 3 years this October, and I haven't really been sick since then. I've had a small cold for a few hours, more than likely just allergies, but nothing major at all. My life has definitely changed for the better since quitting smoking. I urge my friends who have recently picked up the habit to put it down all the time. It's not that I'm being a hypocrite, I just know what it is doing to their bodies. I smoked for 15 years. My wake up call happened around March of 2010. I had gone on a trip to NC with my best friend (I call her my sister. After 25 years of friendship, I earned that right :)). The last day we were there, I started feeling like a cold was coming on. As we were flying home, it started getting worse. By the time we landed, I was floored. I thought it may have been the flu, so I started treating it as such. About a week later, I was no better, and the build-up in my lungs was quite hard to miss. It literally sounded like someone was crumpling up paper every time I took a breath. I was standing in the office with my Cpl., and took a breath. He demanded that I see a Dr. ASAP. I made an appointment a couple hours later.

As the doctor did his routine,"Take a deep breath" with the stethoscope, I noticed he was reacting in a way that is not normal. I could tell he was really concerned. So I was sent for chest x-rays. When the results were in, I was advised that I didn't have the flu, but a flare-up of bronchitis. A flare-up that was left untreated for so long it was starting to grow arms out of my lung walls, making my lung collapse around it. (Sorry for the image.) He was surprised I was even standing, much less at work. He told me I had two options: go home now and don't come back to work for 3 days, or he would admit me into the hospital. I reluctantly agreed to go home. It was the weekend, after all, our busiest time of the week. Before I left, I asked the Dr., "My father smoked for 40 years, and his lungs looked as though he'd never picked up a cigarette. Am I that lucky?" Nope. He advised me that if I don't quit, I would have full-blown emphysema in 10 years.

To the average person, that would be enough to scare anyone into submission. But, I am a hard-headed woman. I went home, like he said, but only stayed gone 2 days, instead of 3. I resumed work, and my symptoms got worse. It got so bad that I literally had to sleep sitting up because lying down made my chest feel like it was pressing down on my lungs, causing me to go into a deep coughing spell. I was miserable. I still went to work through it, which only slowed my progress. I got on the patch, but for some reason it would make me queasy. I couldn't figure out why, so I went back to smoking.

One month. That's how long it took me to recover. I slept sitting up for a month. I can't tell you how good it felt to be able to finally lie down in my bed and sleep without waking up violently coughing. I ended up smoking for a few more months. Soon after getting better, I left the Police Department and moved to Austin. In October of 2010, after a very stressful situation happened to me, I decided enough was enough once and for all. I went back on the patch, Step 1. It started making me sick. Finally, I realized I wasn't smoking enough to warrant using Step 1, so I stepped down to Step 2. Eureka! We've found a winner!

I used about 2 boxes of the patch, then stopped the program. A bold move, considering the duration of my habit. I never picked up another cigarette. And I don't want to. I'm actually quite repulsed by them. Even being around it makes me feel ill.

As I said earlier, I'm a hard-headed woman. So, when I try to urge people to kick the habit, I'm not being bitchy. I was assaulted, and 3 days later I quit smoking. So I can't really sympathize with anyone who says they smoke because of stress. And if I can successfully quit even after a traumatic experience like that, anyone can. You just have to care enough about your body to do it.

I've shared this long-winded story as a prelude to how determination and commitment can do wondrous things in your life. When you are at the point where you are ready to better some part of your life, remember that initial drive you felt when you start to give up. Anything that's worth doing is worth doing right. I've been up and down with dieting and weight-loss. But I will never forget the embarrassment and pain I felt when I stepped on the scale and saw a number higher than I had ever seen. I also will never forget the anger I felt towards myself for letting it get that badly, and the readiness I felt when I decided to delete that number from my body. Whenever I feel like giving in and eating pizza (mmmm....pizza...) I reflect back on that day that I looked in the mirror and was disgusted. I say a little prayer for strength, and I press on.

I'm no fool. I know that I'm human, and humans are erroneous. So I try to deter bad habits before they turn into overwhelming temptation. I'm determined to kick those extra pounds out for good. And I'm just hard-headed enough to do it, despite what my mind tells me.

You can too. Tell that little voice that says "one more slice is ok" to go whistle. "Call for take-out," it says. Get bent. Start treating that inner lazy person as though they are your worst enemy, and you are tired of being pressured to give in to temptation. With training, that little voice can become your best friend, telling you to ignore the craving to order pizza (mmmm....pizza..). All you have to do is get fed up enough. And hang on to that feeling.

By the way, I'm down another 2 lbs. Take that, temptation.

Days 13 & 14 - I'm going to conquer this calorie mountain.

Why can't I go to sleeeeppp...

I never realized how many groceries I go through when I'm actually eating at home for every meal of the day. I can't imagine what our grocery budget will look like when the husband gets home. My workout buddy should be back tomorrow afternoon sometime. On Monday we will begin our workouts again, and I'm pretty excited to get back in the swing of things.

The past couple of days have been somewhat of a blur. I've been really busy, and tonight, actually this morning, seeing as though it's 2 AM, I've been working on reorganizing closet space. All of the sudden I feel like I don't have any room for anything and I'm ready to start throwing things out. When we move, I don't want to have a bunch of things lying around the house that I know I don't really need. I think that I'm getting in the decluttering mode to stay busy, and keep my mind off anticipation of the DH's coming home in a few months, the upcoming move, and to get my mind off of my appetite.

While I'm still refraining from cheating on my diet, I find that I am still usually pretty hungry throughout the day. I'm having a problem with keeping up my calorie intake as of late, because I'm still trying to balance everything out between calories, carbs and sodium. I'm still new at this, so I have no doubt that it will take some time to master it. I just wish there was a nutritionist close by who could help give me some ideas on meal planning.

At any rate tomorrow's a busy day, but I just wanted to say a few words so you wouldn't think that I've given up on blogging. I plan to keep this up even after the challenge is through. I want a chance to at least inspire one person to make a change for the better, and decide that their health is much more important than a large fry.

Tomorrow is more organizing, OCD in full swing.

Day 12: half-way there!

Today was a pretty good day. Busy, but very good. I woke up with a determination that the scale would be lowered. I just felt like something had changed. The day before yesterday, I had lost 2 pounds, making it a 4 pound weight loss total so far. Yesterday however I stepped on the scale and well, we all know how well how that went. Today I'm happy to report that I lost that pound I gained and lost another 2 lbs on top of that making it a 6 pound total loss in 12 days. I'm pretty pleased with myself right now. I stepped on the scale twice just to make sure I didn't lie to me the first time. I hate liars.

Today was also a rather busy day. I was finally able to pick up my wedding ring set that was getting service. When I was finally done there, I got sidetracked by one of the kiosk guys promising me that his product was "the best on the market." Once he got done with his spiel I was finally able to detach and move forward to  fort Stewart. My wedding ring now is soldered together, which I couldn't be happier about, and it looks absolutely brand-new. I am glad that that is finally over with I missed not being able to wear it. 

I'm also very proud that I was able to stay on top of my caloric intake today. I had only approximately 200 cals leftover, so it was all in all good day for the calorie front. I'm also done planning my menu for tomorrow, even factoring in the Zumba I will be doing. I've come to realize that I am going to have to change my budgeting for groceries. I'm now realizing why I was able to live off such a small budget for groceries. Without eating out I'm eating twice as much here as I ever have. Less food is being wasted, which is a good thing because I am horrible at allowing perfectly good and healthy food go to waste, because it is easier to pick up a phone and have someone bring tasty foods to you. I'm beginning to understand why more and more Americans are becoming obese. it's an epidemic because the prices keep rising on the fresh healthy foods, while they still raise on the fast food, its not quite as drastic, and people are able to afford it a little bit better. And with how everyone is so busy to stop and eat something healthy, they've made it so convenient to make bad choices and so difficult to make good ones. The busier we get, the worse choices are made. It's a vicious cycle that I hope I can break completely.

On a lighter note these supplements on this max phase are doing wonderful things with my energy level. I find that I'm not as fatigued in the afternoons to where I want to take a nap. I'm perfectly okay with staying awake and doing things. I'm more motivated to accomplish the task at hand. Overall I am very satisfied with the results thus far. As far as I'm concern at this point in time, I would definitely recommend this program to anyone who is looking to better their lifestyle, better their eating habit choices, and just need a little bit of assistance in doing so. It's not an easy task to do on your own. I'm speaking with lots of experience. The 24 day challenge has completely reset and rewired my body to make healthier decisions when it comes to eating and my overall well-being.

At any rate, it's Zumba in the morning, and I should hit the rack. I hope that in some form or fashion, I hope i have given some sort of inspiration to anyone out there who is struggling with what I have been struggling with. Getting your weight under control is never an easy task. I want to be honest with my experiences in this challenge, and I hope that none of it discouraged you from trying it on your own, because it truly has a very good step to take in the right direction on changing your lifestyle for the better. 

If it were easy, it would just be "the way."

 

Day 11: it's short and sweet for a wasted day.

I was so frustrated with the scale yesterday. As much as I shouldn't have, I let it ruin much of my morning. I started Max phase yesterday, and began taking the MNS-e packs. I got the ones for energy since I have no problem being hungry from my years of skipping meals. I learned to ignore it so much that I don't even really feel hunger pains anymore. 

So anyway, I started the packs, and wow! I had copious amounts of energy! I had so much energy, I couldn't quit organizing things. My mind was so clear. All I wanted to do was clean. My apartment had no qualms about that. It didn't affect my other meds either. In fact, if anything, it leveled me out even more. My meds would mellow me out, almost to the point fatigue. It was a good first day. 

I'm doing much better on my caloric intake right now. I'm still not working out, but, I've started doing my menu the night before, and inputting it into myfitnesspal. I make my adjustments where needed. If I keep that routine, I can estimate my workout for the next day, and make necessary adjustments before I'm forced to intake a ton of calories in one meal. I'm still playing with different foods, while trying to steer clear of red meats. However, that may only be short-lived, as beef is cheaper than fish or turkey. And if Leo keeps barking at noises outside, I might look up some dog recipes. Chill out, PETA, I wouldn't eat my dog.

 Cat is much tastier. >.<

Day 9 &10: Fiber Drink: it's not you, it's me..ok, it's you.

Day 9 & 10 have passed. Been a little stressed, for a couple reasons. I really psyched myself out about this whole weigh-in  yesterday. I had such high hopes of a "big loss." I weighed, and I am pleased with the results. Down 4 lbs, and a total of 2.5 inches lost. I was up a pound this morning, however, I've learned that one of the wonderfully frustrated things about being a woman is that our bodies love water. They love to hold it for a couple days, then divorce it for a couple days, then they get back together, sometimes have kids, or grand kids, then everyone moves out for a while. I wish they would move out for good, so my scale will stop being so sporadic. I saw a sign one time that read, "extra 5lbs, make your way to my boobs or GTFO".  Agreed.

I've also been kind of down lately, and I'm 99.5% sure it's because I'm not going to the gym like I should. My own fault, I know. It's a vicious cycle for people with Major Depression. I wake up not feeling like going, so I don't, then I get down about not going. At that point, my not wanting to go has just gotten worse, and the two situations feed off each other. So I'm at the point right now where I know if I just do it, go back to the gym, I'll instantly feel better when I leave. There's just something about the gym. Feeling that burn in your muscles during strength training. Looking in the mirror watching your form, knowing that with every single lift, push, pull or squat is having a cataclysmic effect on your body. Something inside is tearing, breaking, bending, and getting stronger. Every single move counts. It's a good feeling.

I'm still doing really well on the clean eating. The cravings for bad foods are still there, and will be there for a while, I'm sure. My body is still resetting, so the thoughts of gorging on pizza (still my Mecca for junk food) is still entertained in my still-growing mind, but they're so much easier to stave off when they attack. I went to an event last night that had food, and while the food wasn't that unhealthy, parts of it went against the challenge. So I grabbed a bottle of water before I arrived, and nursed that whenever the smell would get to me. Then I came home and had a healthy dinner. Winning.

I was supposed to go to the dentist today. But I didn't feel very well this morning. Between being out in the heavy rains last night, and a couple things going on personally, I just felt it would be best just to relax today. I need to adjust fire on a couple things that I may have been completely wrong about.
I hate doubting the validity of friendships. I hate feeling like maybe it was all a lie. Makes me very sad, because I thought so highly of them..

But today is a new day, and the start of my Max phase. Yesterday, I said goodbye to the fiber drink. Good riddance! Now I get to try the Meal Replacement Shake, which is about to happen. I've already had my Spark, and the first round of 4 rounds of pills you take throughout this section daily. It's a good thing I have no problem taking pills, sheesh.

Stay tuned!
 

Day 8 - why is this ride going backwards?

It's funny.

Before my workout buddy and I started working out, I was really more of a loner when it came to exercise. I was always put off about the fact that someone would be there, and either hinder me, or push me too hard. If they quit before I did, And we took the same car, I'd automatically start worrying about how bored they were, or if they were wanting me to stop too. Eventually, all the over-rationalization of things wore me down, and I'd stop my workout, knowing very well I wasn't satisfied. But, M has changed my whole perception, and now I'm finding hard to be motivated without her. She has been the only one to not only stick with this consistently with me, but to push me, motivate me, share the victory of killing it at the gym. 

I understand that eventually, with us getting orders for Texas, I'll be back to solo-workouts. But I'm in the now, and I need her back RIGHT NOW! :) I'm not ready to snap the resistance bands holding us together. Because honestly, I'm doing horribly without her. I'm slipping into a terrible habit I had when I was single: ignoring my hunger. Putting off eating until I couldn't stand it any longer. No, I'm not starving myself as part of an eating disorder, I just simply don't want to cook for one sometimes. Or sometimes I get busy and forget to  eat. It happens. That habit also stems from living in a big expensive city working a crappy job, getting paid barely enough to cover your bills. I was Budgeting myself $100 a month for groceries. So by the end of the pay period. I'd skip meals just to ration the food. Being poor sucks, but you start habits that are very easy to slip back into. 

So I'm not even going to cover my food today. Lets just say when I computed my menu, I got in trouble, and it told me I could put my body in starvation mode. Ugh. Sort of getting frustrating. 

Anyway, I've got a busy day tomorrow, and my sleeping pill is kicking in. Since it's 12:02, it's officially Monday. I'm excited for 2 reasons, 1: I get to say "RABBIT RABBIT" for good luck. Anyone remember the nickelodeon channel, and when they had Nick Days? Well every day they had some crazy holiday they made up. But the 1st day of the month was always "rabbit rabbit" day. You said that out loud for good luck. I saw that for the first time when I was 12. Almost 19 years later, I still do it, on the first day of every month. 228 months. Yea, I just calculated it. I have an OCD about numbers. It's really weird and people make fun of me for what I do with them. Don't judge me. 

So the number 2 reason is 1 more day until I get to weigh! Until then, you stay classy, planet earth. 

Day 7 - Everything is bigger in Texas, except for me!

So DH calls me this morning. We are talking, as usual. Then he gets called into leaderships office. No biggie. I assume he will go there, then show, then bed, so I finish getting ready for my day. He soon calls back. "I have bad news and good news. Which do you want first?" He asks. Of course, I pick bad news first. "We're going to Bliss." Um, that's bad news? So what's the good news? "We're getting out of Georgia!" Truth. So, in a few, ok quite a few months, we will be PCSing to Ft. Bliss, TX. Honestly, I have mixed feelings about everything. 

I am for certain glad to be getting out of this God forsaken state. One cannot comprehend the amount of joy I feel about that. However, I won't enjoy leaving some of the most awesome women I have ever met. I have come to know what a woman's friendship is really like, after spending so long with predominately male friends. They have had the biggest impact on my lives since I left law enforcement. They have opened up a side of me I've repressed for so long, and showed me that I don't have to be the face of composure anymore. I am able to let down my guard, and for the first time in a LONG time, be just a regular person. Be a girl. These women have shown me such compassion during my darkest times. They have prepared me for one of the most challenging experiences of my life: seeing my husband go to war. They have shown more guts, more determination to not fall apart during the hard times, but at the same time, not losing sight of who they really are. These ladies will be some of the best memories of my life. 

I'm sure ill touch more on this exciting new part of my journey of being an Army wife later, but, I have a challenge to write about...

So today was a success, in more than one way. I went to Starbucks. I not only DIDN'T get anything but water, but I also didn't WANT anything else. The pastries, though they looked good, had become sort of like those "examples" of what awesome food should be, but, they're too pretty to eat. I was looking at fake food in that case. It's funny, looking back on that experience, I didn't even notice the coffee smell in there either. Hmm. *high five*

We had our coffee date, and I didn't notice anyone else as they were enjoying their food. I focused on my water, and the tasks at hand. I wasn't even tempted. I also finally remembered to pack a snack. I have to remember that because our coffee dates usually end up being all day events. I had 2 healthy sacks while I was there, because I knew I'd be there through lunch, I came home, and didn't pig out. Since there's pretty much zero junk food in the house, I feel confident that I won't engorge myself when I come home famished. 

While I'm still sure I didn't have enough calories, I am getting better about eating, whether I'm hungry or not. I set up alarms to go off at different times for every time I need to eat. Pretty OCD about that. I like my alarms. Don't judge me.

I didn't track my menu today, simply too much to do. But I will tomorrow morning, input everything for the day, so that I can disperse calories a little more evenly throughout the day. I still haven't weighed myself, though the urge hasn't ceased. 3 more days. I feel smaller, so I guess that counts for something. I'm excited about Bliss, because I have one more thing to plan, but also another goal in my weight loss. I won't be fat and going to Texas. The new me will step onto that post. I hope to have reached my goal by then, or be so close it's hard to tell. I'm determined, and ready for this challenge. Bring. It. On.

Day 6 - Next goal: fatigue

Yesterday went pretty well. I had a great workout with some friends doing our usual Friday Zumba class. It felt great to be plenty hydrated for once, and have that extra kick of energy from the gym. Went to the Commissary afterwards, and picked up some AWESOME wholesome foods to keep me on track even more. I'm slowly weeding my kitchen of unhealthy choices. Not that it's that hard to ignore them. That part keeps getting easier and easier. I'm craving those healthier choices. I'm right where I need to be in that department.

When I got home, however, I crashed. I ate lunch, with no carbs to bring this on, but I just felt completely lethargic. Not having my morning coffee is still having it's effects on me. My coffee is quite stronger than Spark. DH and I like our coffee to stand up and smack us in the face when we drink it. True story.

I'm going to research today on whole foods that will help with fatigue. If you have any ideas, please, comment below. I did not like how the rest of my day turned out. I slept through my afternoon snack, and found myself once again having to cram calories down my throat before bed. This is a horrible habit of which I wish to break immediately.

Today is a somewhat busy day, I've a coffee date, of which I will not be able to consume coffee. Honestly, I don't feel deprived though. I feel good inside. I feel like I don't need the coffee, no matter how much I just want it. I know I will not be able to get my usual decadent treat from Starbucks, either. I'll be taking a snack. To celebrate my perseverance, I will definitely put myself to the test. I will go to Starbucks, and get a water. While I don't condone the use of plastic bottles (I am one of the few I know who actually recycle on a regular basis), I want to take this time to "flood" with the catalyst of my weakness. I want to face it head on, and get that feeling of success. Instant gratification that won't break my promise of no scale. Win Win.

I also will tackle the daunting task of laundry. Usually I have no problem actually doing the act of washing and drying. I abhor folding. My main reason for such strong feelings, is due to my OCD. I MUST fold each thing correctly, make sure all my shirts are hung the same way, etc. Which turns 5 min of folding into at least 15 min. I could be trolling on COD during that time! No way, Jose. I also need to tackle the front part of my bedroom, which Leo uses as his playpen. He eats everything. He's managed to eat one of his tennis balls, leaving the remnants on my floor. I don't need children. Miranda, my daughter (a cat I've had for 7 years that I've raised as a kitten of 2 weeks) and Leo fight like children, Leo eats everything, and paces. Oh good Lord, the pacing. Drives me insane. He gets upset when I won't let him on the couch, and Miranda is on there. Have you ever told a cat "no" and have them actually listen? If so, you are a cat whisperer. So he paces around the coffee table until I tell him to stop pacing, then he gets in his crate and pouts.

I think instead of posting my menu on here, you can check out my menu on myfitnesspal.com. My ID is nikidirocco81. Original, I know. I had a friend tell me my ID's were boring. To which I triumphantly replied, "Your face is boring." I win.

Time to start my day. I'm excited about doing better today. I feel great. Only 3 more days until I get to weigh. Anxiously I wait. 

Day 5, broken promises, legit reasons.

So my diet wasn't much better today. I'm still eating very healthily, thank God. But when my schedule becomes frantic, I forget to pack snacks, or eat altogether. Today was no exception. I went to the dentist for more work. When I came out, half my mouth was numb. I carefully ate chicken breasts and green beans for lunch. Afterwards, I had grapes. Once my mouth regained feeling, I found it painful to open my mouth very wide. So dinner was challenging. However, I managed to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and 2 snacks. So it wasn't TOO bad...

And I still haven't weighed (yay)! But, just like with any addict, the craving was there. I was talking to my mom about it the other day, and I couldn't think of the phrase I wanted to describe what exactly my addiction was. I really don't think it's an addiction to scale, per se, but more of an addiction to instant gratification. I want to see results now, because I still don't give myself the chance to prove that I can stick to something without seeing results. This 24 day challenge has definitely pushed my willpower up a notch, forcing me to take responsibility, and stay on the path. 

No workout for today. The dentist appointment was early, and I just didn't feel well afterwards. Still don't really feel great. But tomorrow is Zumba, and 3-15 has got to make a good showing, so we can take over this class and represent! :) 

I'm doing this blog to not only give a resource for ideas on what to eat during the cleanse phase, but it's also to give a little insight to the things you'll experience while doing it. I've done a rather good job of telling all the good effects, but little about the not so good. 

One of the not so good for me, is the craving carbs. Before I started this, I decided that I was going to enjoy my last few days by having a carb fest. And now I'm paying for it. I crave them quite badly. I am strong, and do manage to resist them, but it is quite an overload sometimes. "The final result" is said A LOT in my head at those times. And I'm not just craving carbs, I'm craving stuff like McDonald's. I'm not a big McDonald's person. Ever since I watched Supersize Me, I never looked at that restaurant the same way. I think my mind is trying to start small, to see how easily I break. Talk about being self-destructive. I'm literally my own worst enemy. 

Speaking of enemies, I have none when it comes to this challenge (except me). I have a GREAT network of strong, empowering and supportive women in my circle, and they are amazing. I just have to give out one shout out. Thank you, Laura for snatching that bag away from me when I tried to give in. You are an awesome strong-arm. ;)

Closing this up, I want to say to ANYONE who is doing this challenge or thinking about it. Even after just a few days, it has made a huge impact on me. And not just physically. I have a totally different mindset of what is healthy. I WANT to crave the healthy stuff. And I'm beginning too. Basically, from what I'm noticing, this challenge is a launch pad. It gets you ready to want a healthier lifestyle. Truly want it. It's not a fad diet where you know you have to eat something, and you're only doing it to get results, so you can go back to where you came from. It's challenge transforms your way of thinking. If I were you, I would get it. It's worth the money. That price is a small cost compared to the years you will add to your life. If you're looking for someone who sells it, comment, and I'll hook you up with someone. She is in no way affiliated with this blog. I just know her personally, and she sold it to me. She does a great job of explaining things too. 

At the end of the day, you have to decide what's worth what. Are you willing to put down that burger? I've heard it a million times. I wish I could get in shape. Stop wishing, and just do it. Trust me, please trust me. Things will start turning around within a couple weeks. Get up, go outside, and take off walking. You don't have to get into a gym and lift and run like I do. Just do something. The only thing hindering your progress is you. Rant end.

It's sleepy time. I've ended my day with some much needed deep laughter. I love damn you auto correct. It makes me laugh so hard I wheeze. And now my entire body feels happily tired. Today was a good day. 

Leo says hi.

Got some courage...

So, I'm super proud of myself. I refrained from weighing. What's sad is, it was really hard. I actually tried to talk myself into doing it. "Today can be the last day. It's only day 4, then you can wait until day 10." So I picked the scale up, and out a sticky on it. I'm a badass.

 Today, I didn't fare so well on the eating home front. I was legit busy, and was gone most of the day. I tried very hard to eat more. I couldn't eat my snack, because I went to the dentist and couldn't eat anything crunchy. So I blew that. But I did manage to get past the craving of stopping at a drive-thru. I was so proud. The little food I did eat was healthy. Tomorrow will be better.

This morning, I woke up in one of the best moods ever. I had a lot of energy, and spent most of the morning Zumba-dancing to my workout playlist. I'm hoping this is a product of how much healthier my lifestyle has become, and it will happen again tomorrow. And the day after. Pretty much forever would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Honestly, I don't have much more to talk about that won't turn this into a diary. I'll just give the rundown of my menu for today:

Breakfast:
Spark energy drink
3 scrambled eggs
Cream of wheat cereal
1 oz fresh blueberries

 Lunch:
4 oz baked chicken
1/2 avocado (I dropped the other half on the floor. Awesome.)
4 grape tomatoes
1/2 cup carrots

Snack:
Banana
Spark energy drink

Dinner
 5 oz tilapia
1 small baked potato with butter spray
1 cup green beans

Snack:
2 tbs organic peanut butter

 Like i said, tomorrow, I'll do better.

Day 3, with some great news, comes a stark reality.

One more day down. I'm actually having fun with this, tracking this, scheduling that. It really feeds my need for control. In contrast, the one thing I should really be controlling and can't, is stepping on the scale. I did it again this morning. And while I was VERY pleased with the results, I'm disappointed in myself that I can't resist the urge. But on a positive note, I'm down a total of 4 lbs. FOUR POUNDS? Omg. I literally weighed myself 6 times to make sure the scale wasn't lying. I just couldn't believe that I was finally losing. I've been working my ass off for 4 months, and lost 2 lbs. I do a cleanse for 2 days, and I lose 4. Now I know that it's water weight, before you decide to jump on the comment board. Believe me. I've been dieting the biggest part of my adult life. But this is major for me. Especially considering all the work I've done, and received such little results. Go me.

I finally worked out tonight. Went to Zumba with a couple friends. It was really nice getting back into it. The only downfall is that I am already not consuming enough calories, and burning 600 more just makes it worse. Today was definitely a learning experience. Now I realize I have to plan for that dip, earlier than that night after the fact. I finally had to stop eating when I couldn't breathe anymore. Glad this was all healthy food I was eating. 

Today was the last day to have the fiber drink for 4 days (woot!). I made the mistake of not taking a deep enough breath before chugging, and I had to take a breath, through my nose, in the middle of it. Ugh. It smells as bad as it tastes. Ad smelling only amplifies the taste. It's a vicious cycle. 

My energy level was higher today too. I made a preemptive strike against my afternoon sluggish mood by making another Spark energy drink after lunch. Gave me what I needed. And not to sound cliché, but I honestly I feel cleaner. 

I really wanted the DH to join me in my rejoice of my weight loss. However, Mr. Cranky McPissPants didn't want to do anything but gripe. I tried my best to play the part of the concerned wife. And I was truly concerned. But I was excited, and I wanted Him to be excited as well. Oh well. I still love him, more than I love Pizza. We all have our days, unfortunately he's stuck in the situation that puts him in a foul mood. If only I could just steal a plane, I'd go pick up our guys. Let the place collapse on itself. Not our problem anymore. But this blog isn't for politics...

I'm going to TRY my hardest not to weigh tomorrow. I'd also love to sleep late. But that just doesn't happen for people with an agenda. I'm ready to go back to the days where nap time was enforced. Please, someone enforce nap time!!

Oh no, At Last is playing on Pandora. And just in time for my meds to kick in. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to post more, including my menu. That was one thing I wish I had seen more of when researching the 24 Day Challenge. More menu examples. I want to help others out with not only my experiences, but food options. 

At any rate, my pillow needs a hug. I'm so excited about tomorrow, mainly because I don't have to take that damn fiber drink. Woo fracking hoo. Oh, and so I can see if I can break the nasty habit of weighing. Someone want to take my scale away from me?

Day 2 is down for the count!

I'm sitting here on my bed, waiting for my wonderful sleep meds to kick in. I have successfully kicked today's ass, with the exception of working out. I will, undoubtedly, blame that on my workout partner, who's gone out of town. It's a time like this when realize that she's more than a workout buddy. She my motivator, my mentor, my partner on this crazy journey we've embarked on to try and change our bodies and lifestyles. I miss you. Hurry back.

So, as I said earlier, the fiber drink wasn't as bad, but it's still pretty bad. And the effects aren't much better, but I'm glad to see its actually doing its job. The rest of the day was pretty good, very little complications with eating, and I pretty much drank my weight in water. I feel like a water ballon, if I bump into a sharp object, well, you could use me as a sprinkler. The food today was good, I was rather impressed at how healthily I could eat, and still feel satisfied. Tonight, however, I totally had a carb craving. I was walking to the restroom for the 15th time today, and all of the sudden, I began thinking about Pizza Hut. Pan pizza, pepperoni, that gooey cheese, buttery thick crust. My mouth is watering just reliving it. I even said out loud, "I really want some fucking Pizza Hut!" Ten, I looked in the mirror. I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. My slimmer face and neck. People had told me I was getting slimmer, but, as with any girl with a distorted self image, I protested. But tonight, I could actually see it. And then God spoke to me. 3 simple words: "the end result." Did it stop the craving? Nope, but it sure gave me more strength and motivation to overcome this addiction. God definitely has a wonderful way of showing his presence, just when we feel like we're alone or weak. Speaking of weak, I have a confession.

I stepped on the scale today. I know, it's a sick addiction I got from being on the Atkins diet. On that one you could weight everyday and see progress almost every single day. It became my drug of choice. It's day 2, in the middle of the afternoon after consuming ungodly amounts of water, and had already eaten 4 times at this time.

And there was actually a loss! 1lb. I was so skeptical, I stepped off then stepped back on. I have a digital scale that loves to change up the weight if you move too much. So I stepped back on, and the numbers were the same. Um, can I get a WOOT!?

Now I know, I'm not getting my hopes too far up. I understand that it will, no doubt, fluctuate. But I'm a fat girl with low self esteem. All I want to do is revel in this little victory dance. *does the Harlem shake*

Well, the pill has made it's way to its desired destination, and I can no longer focus on this page. Thank god for autocorrect. Praying that tomorrow I will get a little motivation to hit the gym. Or do something. Until then, I rest.

Day 1 is always hard.

Yesterday was day 1. It was OK. It was hard, I was hungry. I actually believe I was more thirsty than anything. It seemed like I couldn't get enough water. Which, I suppose, is a good thing. I found that all the products were good, except for one. The fiber drink was the most horrid thing I've consumed in a while. It was supposed to be citrus flavor, but I tasted little to no citrus. It was grainy and thick, and only grew thicker the more it sat while I worked up the nerve to take another swallow. I couldn't even finish the whole thing. The Spark drink, in contrast, was very good. Also, it gave me the energy I'd get from a cup of coffee, without the crash. And for the next 22 days, it will be replacing my coffee. Honestly, most likely not for good. There's nothing like waking up to the smell of coffee.

But back to the fiber drink. It's a vital part of the cleanse, so this morning I poured cold water from the fridge (I used tap water yesterday), and mixed it up. I chugged as fast as I could, no doubt a trait I am glad I learned from all those pasture parties and college parties. I knew it'd come in handy somewhere. With the colder water, I could taste the citrus more, making it a little easier to handle. I also used less water. Yesterday I used 16 oz. Today I only used 8. I got it down, and I'm glad that's over with, at least for today.

I never expected to have such dramatic results from the fiber drink, however. I had forgotten to take the drink until last night. And, of course, it kicked in as soon as I took my sleeping pill. And my sleeping pill kicked in while the whole "process" was happening.

Note to self: falling asleep in the bathroom is NOT a trait I want to carry on from the aforementioned parties. Take the drink in the morning, as directed.

I ate quite a bit more yesterday than normal as well. But, I still don't feel like I'm getting enough calories. I believe I will be adding my usual Wheybolic Protein drink after working out today, just to be sure. However, I do believe I stuck to the more strict guidelines of the diet:

30 min before bfast: Spark drink

Bfast: bowl of watermelon

Snack: 3 hard-boiled eggs (I finally learned to make them properly...mostly.)

lunch: 4 oz baked chicken
           small baked potato with butter spray
           steamed zucchini

snack: rice cake w/organic peanut butter (1 tbs)

Dinner: Baked Tilapia
             Steamed Squash and Zucchini

Snack: 1 Orange
            1/4 c blackberries

I didn't measure out the food, which I probably should. But I felt completely full after each meal. That part was nice. I had a small craving some unhealthy treats, mainly chocolate, so I just drank more water and ignored it. I also found that thinking of the end result also made things a little better.

I went to bed last night feeling satisfied that day 1 was a success. Go me.

Let me start out with a quick intro.

First of all, you know my name. I'm a rather new Army wife, also a new housewife. The latter, I'm afraid, has been a rather tough pill to swallow. Housewife has always been a 4-letter word to me. But, it's really difficult to penetrate the workforce, not only because of the sluggish economy, but also, finding a job when you're a military spouse can be quite hard, especially when you have qualifications that exceed what's needed for the job to which you are applying. Since February of 2012, I have been searching. Let me take that back. I finally gave up around December of last year, so, for a year I searched. I put in applications to places I'd have not even been seen shopping. Places, I felt, were below my standards for employment. However, I knew that I had to start somewhere. Long story short, I got ONE callback. I called her back, and never heard anything else. Nice. So, I've resigned myself to the task of Housewife. I'm capitalizing it to make myself feel better. The DH has been on board with me staying home, mainly because he gets spoiled. Dinner cooked, laundry done, house cleaned. All he has to do is come home and fuck it up again. Yes, I curse. I curse quite a bit, actually. No doubt a distasteful trait for a lady that I will, of course, blame on the husband. Anyway, back to me.

When I moved here, I became very depressed. This was the furthest I'd moved away from my family, both biological, and my Law Enforcement family. (I am a former Police Officer.) I had no friends, and knew one person, and my child (cat), Miranda. We moved to a town of 2200 people. Even smaller than the town in which I was raised. I also moved here from Austin, which, as most know is VERY large, and VERY busy. So, here I was, in a sleepy little town, with absolutely nothing to do but clean an already clean apartment. Awesome. So, my mental health began deteriorating. I couldn't sleep at night, mainly due to the water buffalo living upstairs in our apartment that is apparently made of paper. I was tired and napping on and off during the day, crying all the time, and I began to gain weight. I literally hated everything about my current living situation, aside from Miranda and my DH. Finally, I was able to get help. I was put on medication for depression and sleep disorders, things were finally looking a little brighter.

Then I stepped on the scale.

This was the heaviest I'd EVER been. I took a picture of myself in only my underwear and a bra, and scoured every grotesque detail of my ignored body. I was completely put off, to say the least. I got on the Atkins Diet, and lost all the weight I had gained. We also moved on post, which really helped my overall health as well. During that time, I was put on a medication to help with the weight loss and control my mood swings. So, when I fell off the Atkins wagon, I was able to keep off all but about 5 lbs. Not too bad.

Soon after, deployment loomed over our home. No longer were we trying to decide what to do for the weekend. We were now moving things around, signing last rights, POAs, visiting family, spending time together. We were also arguing. A lot. I can't count the number of times we threw our wedding rings (mine was a fake temporary at the time, after I got the real one, I've never thrown that. I'm no dummy.) Equal was the number of times I packed my bags and threatened to call my father to send gas money to get home. I was sure that our marriage was over. There were times that I wanted it to be, just so I could quit crying and fighting. On top of that, I was (and currently am) the FRG leader. So added to all the stress at home was the stress of keeping on top of that, dealing with various problems in the company and the like. It was not a good setting for my already fragile mental condition. I will say if not for the amazing psychologist and Dr. that have helped me through this, I would without a doubt be single and back in Texas. And because of the absolutely incredible amount of love I have for DH.

I also took the vow, like most other military wives, that I would finally get in shape before my husband returned. I had 9 months. I got right to work the day after he left. I've stuck with it, and according to all my friends and family, I have slimmed down quite a bit. I lift more, push harder, and train harder than ever. I jogged a mile for the first time in my ENTIRE life. I feel amazing. There's just one problem: I've lost probably around 2 lbs. in 3.5 months. This alone has made me quite frustrated, understandably. At this point, I'd kill to see just a 5 lb drop. Something. Anything. So now I've gone to the next chapter of this journey, the point of this blog: I've purchased and started the 24 Day Challenge. Today is day one.

So here we go..