"There is no such thing as speech that is free. You must pay for everything that you say." --Jarhead
I know that this blog was to be turned into a blog about going from a single city girl to a married suburbs type. But this is something that is important to me, and has weighed greatly on my mind for some time.
In light of recent events, it's time to talk about it.
If there is one thing I've learned as a Military Spouse, it's that everything you say or do, is a reflection of our Service Member. Whether you want it or not. How you carry yourself, what you say, right down to what you do to your hair is being scrutinized. It's a truth that no one wants to admit, but everyone knows is true. It can't be more true about what you say on social media. I've been told, "If you won't put it on a sign on your front lawn, don't put it on Facebook." I took that to heart. And, while I admit I do put material on social media that could be construed as questionable, I try my best to monitor what I portray myself, and my Soldier to be.
I'm very proud of my Soldier, as are most of my fellow Military Spouses. I'm proud to say that for the most part, my circle of friends have the utmost respect for not just their spouses, but for themselves. I regretfully have to say, "for the most part."
Recently, a post was written on Facebook that caused quite a stir. A Military Spouse felt the need to share with everyone her opinion on another Branch of Service. In poor taste, I might add. Not only was she belittling the same Service Members who have fought for this country, but were the same people from whom she was seeking help. A lot were taken aback by her blatant lack of respect for the people fighting for freedom, myself included. After all, she was bad-mouthing the same branch that my Grandfather, Father, Husband, and numerous friends serve. It hurt, knowing that she felt about my friends the way she stated.
Before I go any further, I want to say that while I understand it may not have been directed at any one I know, but she couldn't know that. And she didn't pinpoint. She grouped them together as a whole. As a matter of fact, one of the Soldiers that is stationed here, is over there, after being seriously wounded downrange. As far-fetched as it may be, for all I know, she saw him, and felt the need to say things that shouldn't have been said. Case in point: You never know if your hurtful words will come back to haunt you.
Back to the story, last I've heard, several people let know that what she said was not only disrespectful, but hurtful, and uncalled for. Whether or not she recanted her statement, or deleted it altogether, I don't know.
For her, what she said was the last straw for me. And after 25 years of friendship, I have washed my hands of her. I don't believe it was an over-reaction either. I've stood by while she has said things that should not only not be from a Military Spouse, but a woman in general. Without going into specifics, I've known this person's true colors. I've known more about her and the things she has done than she thinks. Things she's done to me personally. However, I loved her. I loved her like a sister, through it all. I wanted to be the positive in her life, the friend that would be there to pick her up any time she fell. I saw her in my life forever, despite what anyone said. But, I simply cannot be associated with someone who has blatant lack of regard for what they say or do.
You know, it's one thing to say something out loud. Sounds disappear, memories fade. But what you put on the internet, this blog included, will forever be a reference to the kind of person you are. A representation of your opinions, intentions, and character. What you say here can either help you or hurt you. Plain and simple.
While this rings true for any person, Military Spouses are held to a higher standard. Though our opinions of anything from someones religious preference to homosexuals in the Military may be the same as others, our ability to share them is, unfortunately inhibited. (I am in no way stating an opinion of either subject, these are simply examples, and frankly, both subjects seem to be a "hot button" for either side.) "You must pay for everything that you say," especially rings true for us. While we may not agree with something that the President does (again, I'm not going there), he is our Spouses' Commander-In-Chief. Would you publicly denounce your spouses supervisor in a civilian job? I should hope not. But there are those that do. In my opinion, it's not only distasteful, but it can be misconstrued that it's how your Spouse feels, and could lead to complications in the workforce. Why risk it? In this economy, it's not worth losing your job, or causing someone else to lose theirs.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, Military Spouses, have some respect for yourself and others. Before you begin to say something hurtful about someone else, consider the fact that the person you insult is is someone's child, possibly someone's spouse, or someone's parent. You never know who they are, or what their story is. And when you say mean things about people you don't even know, you're not only hurting them, you're making yourself look badly.
What you post on Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media will follow you around forever. So please, be more mindful. If you're still reading, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I feel better, and you rock for sticking around.
