08 December 2014
21 November 2014
Vlog 21 November 2014: after procedure update
Vlog 21 November 2014: after procedure update: http://youtu.be/sH9gsV7D5j8
20 November 2014
First Vlog in a year...about that...
Vlog 19 November 2014: Get it done.: http://youtu.be/INX-4XwAA4E
02 February 2014
My name is Niki, and I am a (Proud) Gamer.
And I kick butt at it. I gauge how good I am by how much hate mail I get after "spanking" a bunch of guys in a game lobby. My inbox has to be emptied quite regularly.
It all started about 6 years ago. I had just transferred to patrol at the Police Department, and was going through a divorce. I had the PS2, but hardly used it. I think I really only got it to impress a boy I had been dating. Mainly it served as a DVD player. Nevertheless, it was there. And I was alone, nothing to fill the silence but "Shawshank Redemption." Which, by the way, I surpassed the 100 times watching mark during that time. Still one of my all time favorites. I had gone to visit a friend in Waco, whom was a gamer, along with her boyfriend. There, I was introduced to Call of Duty, Modern Warfare. I was horrible at it. To make matters worse, I started playing the online version, against undoubtedly more seasoned gamers than I. It was a slaughter. I handed the controller back to Brooke, defeated.
Some time later, enter Guitar Hero.
This one, I wasn't bad at. It was hard, but something I could get the hang of. Eventually, I was pretty good at it. Meaning I could play the "beginner" level without failing out. It's a start. No, it was more than a start. It was a turning point in my life. I know that sounds over-dramatic, but stay with me. I went to the game store, and bought my own copy. After all, there was only so long I could sit in their living room before they would start charging rent. Soon, Guitar Hero was a regular on my television. Being the quick learner I am, I picked it up rather soon, pounding away at the "Guitar" on some of my favorite tracks, which on a real guitar would make my fingers fall off. I was a Rock Legend in my apartment. There, my nerves were calm, I wasn't thinking about the constant harassment from my soon-to-be ex husband. I had something that could grab my attention and keep it, the way no one or nothing else could. It was almost blissful.
While I was completely rocking on the Guitar, my mind was still on the feeling of power I felt that day, playing COD, of running into war, defeating the enemy. After all, I was a Tomboy. All brothers, and had worked in a primarily Male-oriented field my entire early adult life. All I heard around me was, "Shooting this" and "Blowing up that." Yes, violent conversations, and obviously not directed at anyone in particular, except for the "enemy" that the Military was heroically fighting "over there." They were referring to "shoot 'em up" games. Hmm, sounds intriguing. I'll give it a chance. Maybe, I'll pick it up like I did musical games. A fellow Officer suggested "Black." A game, according to him, that had no story line, only a "shoot everything that moves." No "friendlies," everyone was the enemy. Plus, they had a beginner level, and I didn't have to play online. So I picked up a copy, and went to work.
Again, I was soon lost in a world of War as I was the first time I poorly attempted to get the hang of COD.
Before I go on, I can understand how one might consider this behavior dangerous, considering 1. I was a Police Officer and did not need any more rage or ideas; and 2. I was coming out of a really bad marriage, and no doubt had issues from it. And to my defense, I felt it was no different than going to a gun range. I know you know what I mean. You're mad, and your friends tell you, "Let's go shooting, it will be fun." And as you are pulling the trigger, you picture that person you're mad at. Would you ever do this in real life? No way. But for that split second, justice had been served. And you move on. This was how I felt, without the real bullets, and with a little money saved in the process.
Anyway, just like with Guitar Hero, everything that was bothering me about the "real world" didn't bother me anymore. It was a release of pent up aggression, really. And another bonus: the character in the game was kinda hot. (What!? It's just like a character in a movie. Just go with it.) Fast forward a couple years (and a couple boyfriends), and I was pretty good at First Person Shooters. Every now and then my friends would come over for a "jam session" with Guitar Hero in which I would play the drums, which I realized I was actually pretty good at. But my love had become COD. And to this day, it is still my game of choice.
Later, I met my Husband, who was also a gamer. Bonus: he played the Xbox (blech) and I'm a PS girl (Playstation: french for "The Best." Scouts Honor.) When we got married and began living together, we made our separate "gaming stations," in which we could simultaneously get our "fix." We had something we both loved, could compare notes. It also gave the DH something to brag about to his fellow Soldiers. "My wife can probably kick you @$$ at COD," he proudly proclaims. And when the DH deployed, COD was once again my "escape" from all the frustration, worry, and stress of the current situation. I primarily thank COD for helping me survive. No offense, friends. I love you just the same.
However, just like any other Spouse, from time to time I feel like maybe I'm holding second place to his gaming, as hypocritical as it sounds. But, when he comes home, I stop what I'm doing. He has my full attention at that point. And what does he usually do? Say Hello, kiss me, tell me about his day, then sit down at the computer. No worries, as I am usually cooking dinner at that time. He moves from the desk to the couch to have dinner together, but if we can't agree on something to watch, it's back to his "Battle Station," where he loses touch with both me and reality until it's time to go to bed. Some days it's fine, depending on the day I've had. But sometimes, I just want him to sit and talk to me, or look at me, as weird as that sounds. And on the weekends, if he immediately resumes his position at the desk first thing in the morning, it can sometimes cause friction. Oh hell, I'll say it. We argue about it. A gamer arguing with another gamer about his obsession with his video games. But geez, can't I get the same kind of enthusiastic attention that the "crackbox" gets? And the raging. Oh wow, that's a whole other blog entry. I totally get getting mad at the game, or other players. Absolutely relate. However, is it really necessary to get mad at them for not "providing cover fire?" They are 12 after all.
So when I read articles or posts about other wives fed up with their husbands' preferred past time, I actually am on the fence. I feel for both sides. In one respect, I understand the comfort and therapy a video game provides. On the other side, I understand where wives' feel left out of their Husbands' world. And women are more likely to turn to Facebook to vent their frustrations, for two reasons. 1: so they know they're not alone when other wives' chime in; and 2: Why start ANOTHER fight by griping at him? Not worth the hassle. But what I cannot agree with is when I see women saying that they "take away the game from him," or "hide the controllers so he cannot play." I can't help but feel sorry for the Husbands at that point. I mean, you marry someone and join forces as two adults, equally sharing the control. But when you start taking away things, and hiding things, I think of a mother punishing her child, not a wife trying to get her husband to compromise. You have ultimately attempted to take control, as well as caused unnecessary friction in the home.
*Side note: before I start getting the hate mail: This is purely my opinion, my perspective of things. Both as a wife and a gamer. I am in no way defending either side alone, but both sides. So please, just hear me out.
Now, I want you to take this scenario into consideration. Sites like Pinterest and Facebook have become top dogs when it comes to wasting time. No doubt most likely the choice of women, myself included. I have gotten some really great ideas from Pinterest in particular. But let's face it: Pinterest alone has become a sort of "game" for women. Collect "pins," place them in the correct "board" with the goal of using these to level up to the label of "crafty." Don't deny it. I am always seeing pins in the "humor" section regarding wasting copious amounts of time on Pinterest. I personally don't find it a waste, but that's neither here nor there.
My point is, we have chosen to spend our time lost in a world of crafts, recipes, and pictures of "places I'd like to visit," to name a few. Do men understand this? Most likely not. To them, it's a waste of time that we could be doing something productive. Like making them a sandwich. (Chill. It's a joke.) However, what they do understand is that it's something that interests you the way video games interest them. And 9 times out of 10, you won't hear a husband complain about coming in 2nd place to Pinterest in their wives' lives. Instead, they carry the opinion of, "If you like doing it, Go on whicha bad self." Heck, they actually gain something from it, especially when you are trying out the recipes you pin.
So before you snatch that controller out of his hand, or make a place on a high shelf to hide the system, look at it as his "Pinterest." If you're okay with that perception but still feel left out, try playing a round with him. He will mostly likely be more than happy to share his past time with you. But, if it still bothers you that much, talk to him. I've learned from my husband that he's simply doing something he enjoys until I have something for him to do, or just want to spend time together. If I ask him to exit the game, he does. Try that. Then, once you've talked to him, you've left the ball in his court. If he doesn't budge, then it's time to take other measures. Sometimes their interest in the game is their way of not facing an underlying issue. If that's the case, and he won't talk to you about it, and it is genuinely causing problems in the marriage, perhaps you should talk to someone about it, a counselor, your pastor, or someone you trust and get advice. But taking the matter in your own hand sometimes has negative consequences. As it's been said time and again, forcing his hand will cause him to shut down. And there is nothing worse then trying to talk to a robot. There is no getting through that thick skull at that point.
In closing, I hope by reading this you have taken with you a little peek inside the gamers' side of the spectrum. Understanding both sides is a great way to start discussing changes, and ultimately lessens the tension when talking about it.
Until next time...
It all started about 6 years ago. I had just transferred to patrol at the Police Department, and was going through a divorce. I had the PS2, but hardly used it. I think I really only got it to impress a boy I had been dating. Mainly it served as a DVD player. Nevertheless, it was there. And I was alone, nothing to fill the silence but "Shawshank Redemption." Which, by the way, I surpassed the 100 times watching mark during that time. Still one of my all time favorites. I had gone to visit a friend in Waco, whom was a gamer, along with her boyfriend. There, I was introduced to Call of Duty, Modern Warfare. I was horrible at it. To make matters worse, I started playing the online version, against undoubtedly more seasoned gamers than I. It was a slaughter. I handed the controller back to Brooke, defeated.
Some time later, enter Guitar Hero.
This one, I wasn't bad at. It was hard, but something I could get the hang of. Eventually, I was pretty good at it. Meaning I could play the "beginner" level without failing out. It's a start. No, it was more than a start. It was a turning point in my life. I know that sounds over-dramatic, but stay with me. I went to the game store, and bought my own copy. After all, there was only so long I could sit in their living room before they would start charging rent. Soon, Guitar Hero was a regular on my television. Being the quick learner I am, I picked it up rather soon, pounding away at the "Guitar" on some of my favorite tracks, which on a real guitar would make my fingers fall off. I was a Rock Legend in my apartment. There, my nerves were calm, I wasn't thinking about the constant harassment from my soon-to-be ex husband. I had something that could grab my attention and keep it, the way no one or nothing else could. It was almost blissful.
While I was completely rocking on the Guitar, my mind was still on the feeling of power I felt that day, playing COD, of running into war, defeating the enemy. After all, I was a Tomboy. All brothers, and had worked in a primarily Male-oriented field my entire early adult life. All I heard around me was, "Shooting this" and "Blowing up that." Yes, violent conversations, and obviously not directed at anyone in particular, except for the "enemy" that the Military was heroically fighting "over there." They were referring to "shoot 'em up" games. Hmm, sounds intriguing. I'll give it a chance. Maybe, I'll pick it up like I did musical games. A fellow Officer suggested "Black." A game, according to him, that had no story line, only a "shoot everything that moves." No "friendlies," everyone was the enemy. Plus, they had a beginner level, and I didn't have to play online. So I picked up a copy, and went to work.
Again, I was soon lost in a world of War as I was the first time I poorly attempted to get the hang of COD.
Before I go on, I can understand how one might consider this behavior dangerous, considering 1. I was a Police Officer and did not need any more rage or ideas; and 2. I was coming out of a really bad marriage, and no doubt had issues from it. And to my defense, I felt it was no different than going to a gun range. I know you know what I mean. You're mad, and your friends tell you, "Let's go shooting, it will be fun." And as you are pulling the trigger, you picture that person you're mad at. Would you ever do this in real life? No way. But for that split second, justice had been served. And you move on. This was how I felt, without the real bullets, and with a little money saved in the process.
Anyway, just like with Guitar Hero, everything that was bothering me about the "real world" didn't bother me anymore. It was a release of pent up aggression, really. And another bonus: the character in the game was kinda hot. (What!? It's just like a character in a movie. Just go with it.) Fast forward a couple years (and a couple boyfriends), and I was pretty good at First Person Shooters. Every now and then my friends would come over for a "jam session" with Guitar Hero in which I would play the drums, which I realized I was actually pretty good at. But my love had become COD. And to this day, it is still my game of choice.
Later, I met my Husband, who was also a gamer. Bonus: he played the Xbox (blech) and I'm a PS girl (Playstation: french for "The Best." Scouts Honor.) When we got married and began living together, we made our separate "gaming stations," in which we could simultaneously get our "fix." We had something we both loved, could compare notes. It also gave the DH something to brag about to his fellow Soldiers. "My wife can probably kick you @$$ at COD," he proudly proclaims. And when the DH deployed, COD was once again my "escape" from all the frustration, worry, and stress of the current situation. I primarily thank COD for helping me survive. No offense, friends. I love you just the same.
However, just like any other Spouse, from time to time I feel like maybe I'm holding second place to his gaming, as hypocritical as it sounds. But, when he comes home, I stop what I'm doing. He has my full attention at that point. And what does he usually do? Say Hello, kiss me, tell me about his day, then sit down at the computer. No worries, as I am usually cooking dinner at that time. He moves from the desk to the couch to have dinner together, but if we can't agree on something to watch, it's back to his "Battle Station," where he loses touch with both me and reality until it's time to go to bed. Some days it's fine, depending on the day I've had. But sometimes, I just want him to sit and talk to me, or look at me, as weird as that sounds. And on the weekends, if he immediately resumes his position at the desk first thing in the morning, it can sometimes cause friction. Oh hell, I'll say it. We argue about it. A gamer arguing with another gamer about his obsession with his video games. But geez, can't I get the same kind of enthusiastic attention that the "crackbox" gets? And the raging. Oh wow, that's a whole other blog entry. I totally get getting mad at the game, or other players. Absolutely relate. However, is it really necessary to get mad at them for not "providing cover fire?" They are 12 after all.
So when I read articles or posts about other wives fed up with their husbands' preferred past time, I actually am on the fence. I feel for both sides. In one respect, I understand the comfort and therapy a video game provides. On the other side, I understand where wives' feel left out of their Husbands' world. And women are more likely to turn to Facebook to vent their frustrations, for two reasons. 1: so they know they're not alone when other wives' chime in; and 2: Why start ANOTHER fight by griping at him? Not worth the hassle. But what I cannot agree with is when I see women saying that they "take away the game from him," or "hide the controllers so he cannot play." I can't help but feel sorry for the Husbands at that point. I mean, you marry someone and join forces as two adults, equally sharing the control. But when you start taking away things, and hiding things, I think of a mother punishing her child, not a wife trying to get her husband to compromise. You have ultimately attempted to take control, as well as caused unnecessary friction in the home.
*Side note: before I start getting the hate mail: This is purely my opinion, my perspective of things. Both as a wife and a gamer. I am in no way defending either side alone, but both sides. So please, just hear me out.
Now, I want you to take this scenario into consideration. Sites like Pinterest and Facebook have become top dogs when it comes to wasting time. No doubt most likely the choice of women, myself included. I have gotten some really great ideas from Pinterest in particular. But let's face it: Pinterest alone has become a sort of "game" for women. Collect "pins," place them in the correct "board" with the goal of using these to level up to the label of "crafty." Don't deny it. I am always seeing pins in the "humor" section regarding wasting copious amounts of time on Pinterest. I personally don't find it a waste, but that's neither here nor there.
My point is, we have chosen to spend our time lost in a world of crafts, recipes, and pictures of "places I'd like to visit," to name a few. Do men understand this? Most likely not. To them, it's a waste of time that we could be doing something productive. Like making them a sandwich. (Chill. It's a joke.) However, what they do understand is that it's something that interests you the way video games interest them. And 9 times out of 10, you won't hear a husband complain about coming in 2nd place to Pinterest in their wives' lives. Instead, they carry the opinion of, "If you like doing it, Go on whicha bad self." Heck, they actually gain something from it, especially when you are trying out the recipes you pin.
So before you snatch that controller out of his hand, or make a place on a high shelf to hide the system, look at it as his "Pinterest." If you're okay with that perception but still feel left out, try playing a round with him. He will mostly likely be more than happy to share his past time with you. But, if it still bothers you that much, talk to him. I've learned from my husband that he's simply doing something he enjoys until I have something for him to do, or just want to spend time together. If I ask him to exit the game, he does. Try that. Then, once you've talked to him, you've left the ball in his court. If he doesn't budge, then it's time to take other measures. Sometimes their interest in the game is their way of not facing an underlying issue. If that's the case, and he won't talk to you about it, and it is genuinely causing problems in the marriage, perhaps you should talk to someone about it, a counselor, your pastor, or someone you trust and get advice. But taking the matter in your own hand sometimes has negative consequences. As it's been said time and again, forcing his hand will cause him to shut down. And there is nothing worse then trying to talk to a robot. There is no getting through that thick skull at that point.
In closing, I hope by reading this you have taken with you a little peek inside the gamers' side of the spectrum. Understanding both sides is a great way to start discussing changes, and ultimately lessens the tension when talking about it.
Until next time...
01 February 2014
Blanch? Like Golden Girls?
If you had asked me 5 years ago about "blanching" and "shocking" squash, I'd have called it "cruel and unusual punishment." I'd picture this helpless yellow squash, sitting in a chair in a dark room under a solitary light (that somehow only lights him, yes, it's a him. Just go with it.) Blind fold on, clamps attached to a car battery and, um, I guess in this case he'd have nipples.. Ok, now I'm going too far into left field. Let's just say they'd get a blank stare.
I was definitely Carrie 5 years ago. I was a cop, single, living for only me. All I knew about squash was that they were super good breaded and fried, and served in a restaurant. I rarely cooked for myself, and if I did, it came from a can or a box. The only thing from the produce section was fruit, and even that was a rarity. Needless to say, my diet was not the healthiest. But enough about that..
Fast forward a few years, standing in a storage closet, holding bags of frozen, home-grown vegetables. My Mother and Father-in-law run an orchard, and this stuff was (gasp) not from a commissary. I ask my MIL how to do this myself, and she spits out, the fastest, most complicated (or so I thought) instructions. "Blanch" and "Shock" were in there too. I gave her my best, "Awesome, I'll try that," then gave myself a mental note to translate that gibberish on Google.
Now, it's been 2 years, and I've finally got off my lazy bum, after losing SEVERAL purchases of squash and zucchini that haven't quite made to the dinner plate, and made my first attempt at this blanch and shock business. I started out asking my favorite friend (Google) how to do it. Multiple sites, all making it seem more of a chore than I had bargained for. Then I finally found a set of instructions I could wrap my head around. I just finished the task, and they look just like what my MIL handed me that day. Wow! Go me!
I found the instructions here: http://farmflavor.com/how-to-blanch-and-freeze-summer-squash-and-zucchini/
I'm slowly getting there, learning the tricks of the trade. And while sometimes it's a bit overwhelming trying to become a "housewife," I know that Google will always be there for me. Making my job a lot easier. That, and Pinterest. Don't even get me started on her. She's amazing.
I was definitely Carrie 5 years ago. I was a cop, single, living for only me. All I knew about squash was that they were super good breaded and fried, and served in a restaurant. I rarely cooked for myself, and if I did, it came from a can or a box. The only thing from the produce section was fruit, and even that was a rarity. Needless to say, my diet was not the healthiest. But enough about that..
Fast forward a few years, standing in a storage closet, holding bags of frozen, home-grown vegetables. My Mother and Father-in-law run an orchard, and this stuff was (gasp) not from a commissary. I ask my MIL how to do this myself, and she spits out, the fastest, most complicated (or so I thought) instructions. "Blanch" and "Shock" were in there too. I gave her my best, "Awesome, I'll try that," then gave myself a mental note to translate that gibberish on Google.
Now, it's been 2 years, and I've finally got off my lazy bum, after losing SEVERAL purchases of squash and zucchini that haven't quite made to the dinner plate, and made my first attempt at this blanch and shock business. I started out asking my favorite friend (Google) how to do it. Multiple sites, all making it seem more of a chore than I had bargained for. Then I finally found a set of instructions I could wrap my head around. I just finished the task, and they look just like what my MIL handed me that day. Wow! Go me!
I found the instructions here: http://farmflavor.com/how-to-blanch-and-freeze-summer-squash-and-zucchini/
I'm slowly getting there, learning the tricks of the trade. And while sometimes it's a bit overwhelming trying to become a "housewife," I know that Google will always be there for me. Making my job a lot easier. That, and Pinterest. Don't even get me started on her. She's amazing.
31 January 2014
Then there are times when it's best to let go.
"There is no such thing as speech that is free. You must pay for everything that you say." --Jarhead
I know that this blog was to be turned into a blog about going from a single city girl to a married suburbs type. But this is something that is important to me, and has weighed greatly on my mind for some time.
In light of recent events, it's time to talk about it.
If there is one thing I've learned as a Military Spouse, it's that everything you say or do, is a reflection of our Service Member. Whether you want it or not. How you carry yourself, what you say, right down to what you do to your hair is being scrutinized. It's a truth that no one wants to admit, but everyone knows is true. It can't be more true about what you say on social media. I've been told, "If you won't put it on a sign on your front lawn, don't put it on Facebook." I took that to heart. And, while I admit I do put material on social media that could be construed as questionable, I try my best to monitor what I portray myself, and my Soldier to be.
I'm very proud of my Soldier, as are most of my fellow Military Spouses. I'm proud to say that for the most part, my circle of friends have the utmost respect for not just their spouses, but for themselves. I regretfully have to say, "for the most part."
Recently, a post was written on Facebook that caused quite a stir. A Military Spouse felt the need to share with everyone her opinion on another Branch of Service. In poor taste, I might add. Not only was she belittling the same Service Members who have fought for this country, but were the same people from whom she was seeking help. A lot were taken aback by her blatant lack of respect for the people fighting for freedom, myself included. After all, she was bad-mouthing the same branch that my Grandfather, Father, Husband, and numerous friends serve. It hurt, knowing that she felt about my friends the way she stated.
Before I go any further, I want to say that while I understand it may not have been directed at any one I know, but she couldn't know that. And she didn't pinpoint. She grouped them together as a whole. As a matter of fact, one of the Soldiers that is stationed here, is over there, after being seriously wounded downrange. As far-fetched as it may be, for all I know, she saw him, and felt the need to say things that shouldn't have been said. Case in point: You never know if your hurtful words will come back to haunt you.
Back to the story, last I've heard, several people let know that what she said was not only disrespectful, but hurtful, and uncalled for. Whether or not she recanted her statement, or deleted it altogether, I don't know.
For her, what she said was the last straw for me. And after 25 years of friendship, I have washed my hands of her. I don't believe it was an over-reaction either. I've stood by while she has said things that should not only not be from a Military Spouse, but a woman in general. Without going into specifics, I've known this person's true colors. I've known more about her and the things she has done than she thinks. Things she's done to me personally. However, I loved her. I loved her like a sister, through it all. I wanted to be the positive in her life, the friend that would be there to pick her up any time she fell. I saw her in my life forever, despite what anyone said. But, I simply cannot be associated with someone who has blatant lack of regard for what they say or do.
You know, it's one thing to say something out loud. Sounds disappear, memories fade. But what you put on the internet, this blog included, will forever be a reference to the kind of person you are. A representation of your opinions, intentions, and character. What you say here can either help you or hurt you. Plain and simple.
While this rings true for any person, Military Spouses are held to a higher standard. Though our opinions of anything from someones religious preference to homosexuals in the Military may be the same as others, our ability to share them is, unfortunately inhibited. (I am in no way stating an opinion of either subject, these are simply examples, and frankly, both subjects seem to be a "hot button" for either side.) "You must pay for everything that you say," especially rings true for us. While we may not agree with something that the President does (again, I'm not going there), he is our Spouses' Commander-In-Chief. Would you publicly denounce your spouses supervisor in a civilian job? I should hope not. But there are those that do. In my opinion, it's not only distasteful, but it can be misconstrued that it's how your Spouse feels, and could lead to complications in the workforce. Why risk it? In this economy, it's not worth losing your job, or causing someone else to lose theirs.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, Military Spouses, have some respect for yourself and others. Before you begin to say something hurtful about someone else, consider the fact that the person you insult is is someone's child, possibly someone's spouse, or someone's parent. You never know who they are, or what their story is. And when you say mean things about people you don't even know, you're not only hurting them, you're making yourself look badly.
What you post on Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media will follow you around forever. So please, be more mindful. If you're still reading, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I feel better, and you rock for sticking around.
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