Day 7 - Everything is bigger in Texas, except for me!

So DH calls me this morning. We are talking, as usual. Then he gets called into leaderships office. No biggie. I assume he will go there, then show, then bed, so I finish getting ready for my day. He soon calls back. "I have bad news and good news. Which do you want first?" He asks. Of course, I pick bad news first. "We're going to Bliss." Um, that's bad news? So what's the good news? "We're getting out of Georgia!" Truth. So, in a few, ok quite a few months, we will be PCSing to Ft. Bliss, TX. Honestly, I have mixed feelings about everything. 

I am for certain glad to be getting out of this God forsaken state. One cannot comprehend the amount of joy I feel about that. However, I won't enjoy leaving some of the most awesome women I have ever met. I have come to know what a woman's friendship is really like, after spending so long with predominately male friends. They have had the biggest impact on my lives since I left law enforcement. They have opened up a side of me I've repressed for so long, and showed me that I don't have to be the face of composure anymore. I am able to let down my guard, and for the first time in a LONG time, be just a regular person. Be a girl. These women have shown me such compassion during my darkest times. They have prepared me for one of the most challenging experiences of my life: seeing my husband go to war. They have shown more guts, more determination to not fall apart during the hard times, but at the same time, not losing sight of who they really are. These ladies will be some of the best memories of my life. 

I'm sure ill touch more on this exciting new part of my journey of being an Army wife later, but, I have a challenge to write about...

So today was a success, in more than one way. I went to Starbucks. I not only DIDN'T get anything but water, but I also didn't WANT anything else. The pastries, though they looked good, had become sort of like those "examples" of what awesome food should be, but, they're too pretty to eat. I was looking at fake food in that case. It's funny, looking back on that experience, I didn't even notice the coffee smell in there either. Hmm. *high five*

We had our coffee date, and I didn't notice anyone else as they were enjoying their food. I focused on my water, and the tasks at hand. I wasn't even tempted. I also finally remembered to pack a snack. I have to remember that because our coffee dates usually end up being all day events. I had 2 healthy sacks while I was there, because I knew I'd be there through lunch, I came home, and didn't pig out. Since there's pretty much zero junk food in the house, I feel confident that I won't engorge myself when I come home famished. 

While I'm still sure I didn't have enough calories, I am getting better about eating, whether I'm hungry or not. I set up alarms to go off at different times for every time I need to eat. Pretty OCD about that. I like my alarms. Don't judge me.

I didn't track my menu today, simply too much to do. But I will tomorrow morning, input everything for the day, so that I can disperse calories a little more evenly throughout the day. I still haven't weighed myself, though the urge hasn't ceased. 3 more days. I feel smaller, so I guess that counts for something. I'm excited about Bliss, because I have one more thing to plan, but also another goal in my weight loss. I won't be fat and going to Texas. The new me will step onto that post. I hope to have reached my goal by then, or be so close it's hard to tell. I'm determined, and ready for this challenge. Bring. It. On.

Day 6 - Next goal: fatigue

Yesterday went pretty well. I had a great workout with some friends doing our usual Friday Zumba class. It felt great to be plenty hydrated for once, and have that extra kick of energy from the gym. Went to the Commissary afterwards, and picked up some AWESOME wholesome foods to keep me on track even more. I'm slowly weeding my kitchen of unhealthy choices. Not that it's that hard to ignore them. That part keeps getting easier and easier. I'm craving those healthier choices. I'm right where I need to be in that department.

When I got home, however, I crashed. I ate lunch, with no carbs to bring this on, but I just felt completely lethargic. Not having my morning coffee is still having it's effects on me. My coffee is quite stronger than Spark. DH and I like our coffee to stand up and smack us in the face when we drink it. True story.

I'm going to research today on whole foods that will help with fatigue. If you have any ideas, please, comment below. I did not like how the rest of my day turned out. I slept through my afternoon snack, and found myself once again having to cram calories down my throat before bed. This is a horrible habit of which I wish to break immediately.

Today is a somewhat busy day, I've a coffee date, of which I will not be able to consume coffee. Honestly, I don't feel deprived though. I feel good inside. I feel like I don't need the coffee, no matter how much I just want it. I know I will not be able to get my usual decadent treat from Starbucks, either. I'll be taking a snack. To celebrate my perseverance, I will definitely put myself to the test. I will go to Starbucks, and get a water. While I don't condone the use of plastic bottles (I am one of the few I know who actually recycle on a regular basis), I want to take this time to "flood" with the catalyst of my weakness. I want to face it head on, and get that feeling of success. Instant gratification that won't break my promise of no scale. Win Win.

I also will tackle the daunting task of laundry. Usually I have no problem actually doing the act of washing and drying. I abhor folding. My main reason for such strong feelings, is due to my OCD. I MUST fold each thing correctly, make sure all my shirts are hung the same way, etc. Which turns 5 min of folding into at least 15 min. I could be trolling on COD during that time! No way, Jose. I also need to tackle the front part of my bedroom, which Leo uses as his playpen. He eats everything. He's managed to eat one of his tennis balls, leaving the remnants on my floor. I don't need children. Miranda, my daughter (a cat I've had for 7 years that I've raised as a kitten of 2 weeks) and Leo fight like children, Leo eats everything, and paces. Oh good Lord, the pacing. Drives me insane. He gets upset when I won't let him on the couch, and Miranda is on there. Have you ever told a cat "no" and have them actually listen? If so, you are a cat whisperer. So he paces around the coffee table until I tell him to stop pacing, then he gets in his crate and pouts.

I think instead of posting my menu on here, you can check out my menu on myfitnesspal.com. My ID is nikidirocco81. Original, I know. I had a friend tell me my ID's were boring. To which I triumphantly replied, "Your face is boring." I win.

Time to start my day. I'm excited about doing better today. I feel great. Only 3 more days until I get to weigh. Anxiously I wait. 

Day 5, broken promises, legit reasons.

So my diet wasn't much better today. I'm still eating very healthily, thank God. But when my schedule becomes frantic, I forget to pack snacks, or eat altogether. Today was no exception. I went to the dentist for more work. When I came out, half my mouth was numb. I carefully ate chicken breasts and green beans for lunch. Afterwards, I had grapes. Once my mouth regained feeling, I found it painful to open my mouth very wide. So dinner was challenging. However, I managed to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and 2 snacks. So it wasn't TOO bad...

And I still haven't weighed (yay)! But, just like with any addict, the craving was there. I was talking to my mom about it the other day, and I couldn't think of the phrase I wanted to describe what exactly my addiction was. I really don't think it's an addiction to scale, per se, but more of an addiction to instant gratification. I want to see results now, because I still don't give myself the chance to prove that I can stick to something without seeing results. This 24 day challenge has definitely pushed my willpower up a notch, forcing me to take responsibility, and stay on the path. 

No workout for today. The dentist appointment was early, and I just didn't feel well afterwards. Still don't really feel great. But tomorrow is Zumba, and 3-15 has got to make a good showing, so we can take over this class and represent! :) 

I'm doing this blog to not only give a resource for ideas on what to eat during the cleanse phase, but it's also to give a little insight to the things you'll experience while doing it. I've done a rather good job of telling all the good effects, but little about the not so good. 

One of the not so good for me, is the craving carbs. Before I started this, I decided that I was going to enjoy my last few days by having a carb fest. And now I'm paying for it. I crave them quite badly. I am strong, and do manage to resist them, but it is quite an overload sometimes. "The final result" is said A LOT in my head at those times. And I'm not just craving carbs, I'm craving stuff like McDonald's. I'm not a big McDonald's person. Ever since I watched Supersize Me, I never looked at that restaurant the same way. I think my mind is trying to start small, to see how easily I break. Talk about being self-destructive. I'm literally my own worst enemy. 

Speaking of enemies, I have none when it comes to this challenge (except me). I have a GREAT network of strong, empowering and supportive women in my circle, and they are amazing. I just have to give out one shout out. Thank you, Laura for snatching that bag away from me when I tried to give in. You are an awesome strong-arm. ;)

Closing this up, I want to say to ANYONE who is doing this challenge or thinking about it. Even after just a few days, it has made a huge impact on me. And not just physically. I have a totally different mindset of what is healthy. I WANT to crave the healthy stuff. And I'm beginning too. Basically, from what I'm noticing, this challenge is a launch pad. It gets you ready to want a healthier lifestyle. Truly want it. It's not a fad diet where you know you have to eat something, and you're only doing it to get results, so you can go back to where you came from. It's challenge transforms your way of thinking. If I were you, I would get it. It's worth the money. That price is a small cost compared to the years you will add to your life. If you're looking for someone who sells it, comment, and I'll hook you up with someone. She is in no way affiliated with this blog. I just know her personally, and she sold it to me. She does a great job of explaining things too. 

At the end of the day, you have to decide what's worth what. Are you willing to put down that burger? I've heard it a million times. I wish I could get in shape. Stop wishing, and just do it. Trust me, please trust me. Things will start turning around within a couple weeks. Get up, go outside, and take off walking. You don't have to get into a gym and lift and run like I do. Just do something. The only thing hindering your progress is you. Rant end.

It's sleepy time. I've ended my day with some much needed deep laughter. I love damn you auto correct. It makes me laugh so hard I wheeze. And now my entire body feels happily tired. Today was a good day. 

Leo says hi.

Got some courage...

So, I'm super proud of myself. I refrained from weighing. What's sad is, it was really hard. I actually tried to talk myself into doing it. "Today can be the last day. It's only day 4, then you can wait until day 10." So I picked the scale up, and out a sticky on it. I'm a badass.

 Today, I didn't fare so well on the eating home front. I was legit busy, and was gone most of the day. I tried very hard to eat more. I couldn't eat my snack, because I went to the dentist and couldn't eat anything crunchy. So I blew that. But I did manage to get past the craving of stopping at a drive-thru. I was so proud. The little food I did eat was healthy. Tomorrow will be better.

This morning, I woke up in one of the best moods ever. I had a lot of energy, and spent most of the morning Zumba-dancing to my workout playlist. I'm hoping this is a product of how much healthier my lifestyle has become, and it will happen again tomorrow. And the day after. Pretty much forever would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Honestly, I don't have much more to talk about that won't turn this into a diary. I'll just give the rundown of my menu for today:

Breakfast:
Spark energy drink
3 scrambled eggs
Cream of wheat cereal
1 oz fresh blueberries

 Lunch:
4 oz baked chicken
1/2 avocado (I dropped the other half on the floor. Awesome.)
4 grape tomatoes
1/2 cup carrots

Snack:
Banana
Spark energy drink

Dinner
 5 oz tilapia
1 small baked potato with butter spray
1 cup green beans

Snack:
2 tbs organic peanut butter

 Like i said, tomorrow, I'll do better.

Day 3, with some great news, comes a stark reality.

One more day down. I'm actually having fun with this, tracking this, scheduling that. It really feeds my need for control. In contrast, the one thing I should really be controlling and can't, is stepping on the scale. I did it again this morning. And while I was VERY pleased with the results, I'm disappointed in myself that I can't resist the urge. But on a positive note, I'm down a total of 4 lbs. FOUR POUNDS? Omg. I literally weighed myself 6 times to make sure the scale wasn't lying. I just couldn't believe that I was finally losing. I've been working my ass off for 4 months, and lost 2 lbs. I do a cleanse for 2 days, and I lose 4. Now I know that it's water weight, before you decide to jump on the comment board. Believe me. I've been dieting the biggest part of my adult life. But this is major for me. Especially considering all the work I've done, and received such little results. Go me.

I finally worked out tonight. Went to Zumba with a couple friends. It was really nice getting back into it. The only downfall is that I am already not consuming enough calories, and burning 600 more just makes it worse. Today was definitely a learning experience. Now I realize I have to plan for that dip, earlier than that night after the fact. I finally had to stop eating when I couldn't breathe anymore. Glad this was all healthy food I was eating. 

Today was the last day to have the fiber drink for 4 days (woot!). I made the mistake of not taking a deep enough breath before chugging, and I had to take a breath, through my nose, in the middle of it. Ugh. It smells as bad as it tastes. Ad smelling only amplifies the taste. It's a vicious cycle. 

My energy level was higher today too. I made a preemptive strike against my afternoon sluggish mood by making another Spark energy drink after lunch. Gave me what I needed. And not to sound cliché, but I honestly I feel cleaner. 

I really wanted the DH to join me in my rejoice of my weight loss. However, Mr. Cranky McPissPants didn't want to do anything but gripe. I tried my best to play the part of the concerned wife. And I was truly concerned. But I was excited, and I wanted Him to be excited as well. Oh well. I still love him, more than I love Pizza. We all have our days, unfortunately he's stuck in the situation that puts him in a foul mood. If only I could just steal a plane, I'd go pick up our guys. Let the place collapse on itself. Not our problem anymore. But this blog isn't for politics...

I'm going to TRY my hardest not to weigh tomorrow. I'd also love to sleep late. But that just doesn't happen for people with an agenda. I'm ready to go back to the days where nap time was enforced. Please, someone enforce nap time!!

Oh no, At Last is playing on Pandora. And just in time for my meds to kick in. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to post more, including my menu. That was one thing I wish I had seen more of when researching the 24 Day Challenge. More menu examples. I want to help others out with not only my experiences, but food options. 

At any rate, my pillow needs a hug. I'm so excited about tomorrow, mainly because I don't have to take that damn fiber drink. Woo fracking hoo. Oh, and so I can see if I can break the nasty habit of weighing. Someone want to take my scale away from me?

Day 2 is down for the count!

I'm sitting here on my bed, waiting for my wonderful sleep meds to kick in. I have successfully kicked today's ass, with the exception of working out. I will, undoubtedly, blame that on my workout partner, who's gone out of town. It's a time like this when realize that she's more than a workout buddy. She my motivator, my mentor, my partner on this crazy journey we've embarked on to try and change our bodies and lifestyles. I miss you. Hurry back.

So, as I said earlier, the fiber drink wasn't as bad, but it's still pretty bad. And the effects aren't much better, but I'm glad to see its actually doing its job. The rest of the day was pretty good, very little complications with eating, and I pretty much drank my weight in water. I feel like a water ballon, if I bump into a sharp object, well, you could use me as a sprinkler. The food today was good, I was rather impressed at how healthily I could eat, and still feel satisfied. Tonight, however, I totally had a carb craving. I was walking to the restroom for the 15th time today, and all of the sudden, I began thinking about Pizza Hut. Pan pizza, pepperoni, that gooey cheese, buttery thick crust. My mouth is watering just reliving it. I even said out loud, "I really want some fucking Pizza Hut!" Ten, I looked in the mirror. I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. My slimmer face and neck. People had told me I was getting slimmer, but, as with any girl with a distorted self image, I protested. But tonight, I could actually see it. And then God spoke to me. 3 simple words: "the end result." Did it stop the craving? Nope, but it sure gave me more strength and motivation to overcome this addiction. God definitely has a wonderful way of showing his presence, just when we feel like we're alone or weak. Speaking of weak, I have a confession.

I stepped on the scale today. I know, it's a sick addiction I got from being on the Atkins diet. On that one you could weight everyday and see progress almost every single day. It became my drug of choice. It's day 2, in the middle of the afternoon after consuming ungodly amounts of water, and had already eaten 4 times at this time.

And there was actually a loss! 1lb. I was so skeptical, I stepped off then stepped back on. I have a digital scale that loves to change up the weight if you move too much. So I stepped back on, and the numbers were the same. Um, can I get a WOOT!?

Now I know, I'm not getting my hopes too far up. I understand that it will, no doubt, fluctuate. But I'm a fat girl with low self esteem. All I want to do is revel in this little victory dance. *does the Harlem shake*

Well, the pill has made it's way to its desired destination, and I can no longer focus on this page. Thank god for autocorrect. Praying that tomorrow I will get a little motivation to hit the gym. Or do something. Until then, I rest.

Day 1 is always hard.

Yesterday was day 1. It was OK. It was hard, I was hungry. I actually believe I was more thirsty than anything. It seemed like I couldn't get enough water. Which, I suppose, is a good thing. I found that all the products were good, except for one. The fiber drink was the most horrid thing I've consumed in a while. It was supposed to be citrus flavor, but I tasted little to no citrus. It was grainy and thick, and only grew thicker the more it sat while I worked up the nerve to take another swallow. I couldn't even finish the whole thing. The Spark drink, in contrast, was very good. Also, it gave me the energy I'd get from a cup of coffee, without the crash. And for the next 22 days, it will be replacing my coffee. Honestly, most likely not for good. There's nothing like waking up to the smell of coffee.

But back to the fiber drink. It's a vital part of the cleanse, so this morning I poured cold water from the fridge (I used tap water yesterday), and mixed it up. I chugged as fast as I could, no doubt a trait I am glad I learned from all those pasture parties and college parties. I knew it'd come in handy somewhere. With the colder water, I could taste the citrus more, making it a little easier to handle. I also used less water. Yesterday I used 16 oz. Today I only used 8. I got it down, and I'm glad that's over with, at least for today.

I never expected to have such dramatic results from the fiber drink, however. I had forgotten to take the drink until last night. And, of course, it kicked in as soon as I took my sleeping pill. And my sleeping pill kicked in while the whole "process" was happening.

Note to self: falling asleep in the bathroom is NOT a trait I want to carry on from the aforementioned parties. Take the drink in the morning, as directed.

I ate quite a bit more yesterday than normal as well. But, I still don't feel like I'm getting enough calories. I believe I will be adding my usual Wheybolic Protein drink after working out today, just to be sure. However, I do believe I stuck to the more strict guidelines of the diet:

30 min before bfast: Spark drink

Bfast: bowl of watermelon

Snack: 3 hard-boiled eggs (I finally learned to make them properly...mostly.)

lunch: 4 oz baked chicken
           small baked potato with butter spray
           steamed zucchini

snack: rice cake w/organic peanut butter (1 tbs)

Dinner: Baked Tilapia
             Steamed Squash and Zucchini

Snack: 1 Orange
            1/4 c blackberries

I didn't measure out the food, which I probably should. But I felt completely full after each meal. That part was nice. I had a small craving some unhealthy treats, mainly chocolate, so I just drank more water and ignored it. I also found that thinking of the end result also made things a little better.

I went to bed last night feeling satisfied that day 1 was a success. Go me.

Let me start out with a quick intro.

First of all, you know my name. I'm a rather new Army wife, also a new housewife. The latter, I'm afraid, has been a rather tough pill to swallow. Housewife has always been a 4-letter word to me. But, it's really difficult to penetrate the workforce, not only because of the sluggish economy, but also, finding a job when you're a military spouse can be quite hard, especially when you have qualifications that exceed what's needed for the job to which you are applying. Since February of 2012, I have been searching. Let me take that back. I finally gave up around December of last year, so, for a year I searched. I put in applications to places I'd have not even been seen shopping. Places, I felt, were below my standards for employment. However, I knew that I had to start somewhere. Long story short, I got ONE callback. I called her back, and never heard anything else. Nice. So, I've resigned myself to the task of Housewife. I'm capitalizing it to make myself feel better. The DH has been on board with me staying home, mainly because he gets spoiled. Dinner cooked, laundry done, house cleaned. All he has to do is come home and fuck it up again. Yes, I curse. I curse quite a bit, actually. No doubt a distasteful trait for a lady that I will, of course, blame on the husband. Anyway, back to me.

When I moved here, I became very depressed. This was the furthest I'd moved away from my family, both biological, and my Law Enforcement family. (I am a former Police Officer.) I had no friends, and knew one person, and my child (cat), Miranda. We moved to a town of 2200 people. Even smaller than the town in which I was raised. I also moved here from Austin, which, as most know is VERY large, and VERY busy. So, here I was, in a sleepy little town, with absolutely nothing to do but clean an already clean apartment. Awesome. So, my mental health began deteriorating. I couldn't sleep at night, mainly due to the water buffalo living upstairs in our apartment that is apparently made of paper. I was tired and napping on and off during the day, crying all the time, and I began to gain weight. I literally hated everything about my current living situation, aside from Miranda and my DH. Finally, I was able to get help. I was put on medication for depression and sleep disorders, things were finally looking a little brighter.

Then I stepped on the scale.

This was the heaviest I'd EVER been. I took a picture of myself in only my underwear and a bra, and scoured every grotesque detail of my ignored body. I was completely put off, to say the least. I got on the Atkins Diet, and lost all the weight I had gained. We also moved on post, which really helped my overall health as well. During that time, I was put on a medication to help with the weight loss and control my mood swings. So, when I fell off the Atkins wagon, I was able to keep off all but about 5 lbs. Not too bad.

Soon after, deployment loomed over our home. No longer were we trying to decide what to do for the weekend. We were now moving things around, signing last rights, POAs, visiting family, spending time together. We were also arguing. A lot. I can't count the number of times we threw our wedding rings (mine was a fake temporary at the time, after I got the real one, I've never thrown that. I'm no dummy.) Equal was the number of times I packed my bags and threatened to call my father to send gas money to get home. I was sure that our marriage was over. There were times that I wanted it to be, just so I could quit crying and fighting. On top of that, I was (and currently am) the FRG leader. So added to all the stress at home was the stress of keeping on top of that, dealing with various problems in the company and the like. It was not a good setting for my already fragile mental condition. I will say if not for the amazing psychologist and Dr. that have helped me through this, I would without a doubt be single and back in Texas. And because of the absolutely incredible amount of love I have for DH.

I also took the vow, like most other military wives, that I would finally get in shape before my husband returned. I had 9 months. I got right to work the day after he left. I've stuck with it, and according to all my friends and family, I have slimmed down quite a bit. I lift more, push harder, and train harder than ever. I jogged a mile for the first time in my ENTIRE life. I feel amazing. There's just one problem: I've lost probably around 2 lbs. in 3.5 months. This alone has made me quite frustrated, understandably. At this point, I'd kill to see just a 5 lb drop. Something. Anything. So now I've gone to the next chapter of this journey, the point of this blog: I've purchased and started the 24 Day Challenge. Today is day one.

So here we go..