This is probably going to be my last Vlog for a while. Going to go back to just blogging for a bit. Hope you enjoy. :)
Niki
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-OqnPdbCQo
21 August 2013
07 August 2013
No internet? I Feel like I've gone back in time...
First of all, I know I said I blog more while I'm here...
But, seriously.
Im pretty sure by coming here, I changed more than time zones. I feel like I'm in another era altogether. My cell service is spotty at best, I have no internet, and have found no Wi-Fi spots. My life, as I know it, is at a standstill, waiting for my vacation to end.
But, I'm up at 0330, thinking about all the decisions I've made while I've been here. they haven't been the greatest. In fact, I've had to use my carb-ease a lot. I haven't had the best support system here either. Im being faced with temptation every day. And I'm human. Im still jogging, but I feel it's just staving off a few more pounds from being added to the scale. emotionally, I feel like a total failure in every sense of the word. I'd gone from being a model to some, to needing a model again. It's pretty much been a train wreck. Now, don't get me wrong, I haven't made all bad choices, but the choices I have made haven't been the best. And I'm definitely paying for it right now.
As far as physically, I'm starting to feel some of the same problems I was having before are starting to return. Fatigue, depression, lack of motivation. I suppose they should mainly be associated with the emotional side, but I'm feeling the depression physically. I haven't, thank God, notice too much of a change on the scale. Nor have I noticed a change with the tape measure, another blessing.
while I have enjoyed visiting my family and friends very much, I can't help but feel that maybe this was a mistake. I don't think I was ready to be faced with all this temptation yet, especially with all the stress I'm under. I feel it was a bad time to leave. So, now I have to overcome one more set of obstacles:
Forgiving myself, and resetting.
But, seriously.
Im pretty sure by coming here, I changed more than time zones. I feel like I'm in another era altogether. My cell service is spotty at best, I have no internet, and have found no Wi-Fi spots. My life, as I know it, is at a standstill, waiting for my vacation to end.
But, I'm up at 0330, thinking about all the decisions I've made while I've been here. they haven't been the greatest. In fact, I've had to use my carb-ease a lot. I haven't had the best support system here either. Im being faced with temptation every day. And I'm human. Im still jogging, but I feel it's just staving off a few more pounds from being added to the scale. emotionally, I feel like a total failure in every sense of the word. I'd gone from being a model to some, to needing a model again. It's pretty much been a train wreck. Now, don't get me wrong, I haven't made all bad choices, but the choices I have made haven't been the best. And I'm definitely paying for it right now.
As far as physically, I'm starting to feel some of the same problems I was having before are starting to return. Fatigue, depression, lack of motivation. I suppose they should mainly be associated with the emotional side, but I'm feeling the depression physically. I haven't, thank God, notice too much of a change on the scale. Nor have I noticed a change with the tape measure, another blessing.
while I have enjoyed visiting my family and friends very much, I can't help but feel that maybe this was a mistake. I don't think I was ready to be faced with all this temptation yet, especially with all the stress I'm under. I feel it was a bad time to leave. So, now I have to overcome one more set of obstacles:
Forgiving myself, and resetting.
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